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[00:00:22] We are getting a fucking divorce. We're getting divorced if you keep giving me Kong Godzilla versus Kong spoilers that was nothing I don't care I didn't give you any other spoilers. That's only the only you you mister who likes to be spoiled

[00:00:43] I don't want to be spoiled on Godzilla versus Kong well, that is the only story that I care about brand for you That is the only story that I care about I will

[00:00:53] Divorce you if you keep it up. Are you gonna stop Kong grinds Godzilla from behind and they have a little mutant baby? I Will divorce you Stop

[00:01:09] He can be both yeah, anyway, I wonder how weird that was for the listener very I'm sure just like me threatening to No, no it was it was on pay on purpose and it was on patreon paper. It was on paper

[00:01:27] Hey if this is your first time or hundred and sixty-fifth time coming into the show welcome We're glad you're joining us for an episode of a novel console

[00:01:35] We hope you stick around have some laughs and maybe find some new things to enjoy if you want to reach out to us You could do it on our socials

[00:01:41] Which is basically at a novel console on every platform or you can email us directly at a novel console at gmail.com Or if you would like to support us, you could do it over at patreon.com

[00:01:51] Slash a novel console by the way, my name is Chris and this is my wife Karen Yeah, but most people know that Our little loyal fan base Very small fan base to listen. Yeah, so cute Um, if you like the show you should tell your friends about it

[00:02:07] And if you like it or if you don't like it You should leave us a review wherever you can because they help us be more discoverable Also, we have a discord which you still need to show me how to

[00:02:19] Turn on the certain notifications instead of all the notifications. Yeah I don't know if anybody has added me in like a month Yeah, if you want to join that as an email or go to our Twitter and look for the pin tweet

[00:02:37] All right, so it's very late. Yep. We are tired. Yep and And We've had a day because I realized that's what we say every episode. They're like these people there's nothing wrong with them There is something wrong with us. Yeah, um, it's true. I fucked up recently

[00:02:54] We had your recording for The book that one which was a deadly education Yeah, yes um, I was cleaning out the computer because I had to make some space and Yep, I unfortunately grabbed that file and threw it away and then emptied the recycle bin

[00:03:13] And I want a divorce. I want You want the divorce from the podcast? Like You have no idea how much I want to quit the podcast right now knowing that you deleted that So because that was it was like prime carrot and content I remembered

[00:03:32] So much bad from that book that it was great. It was great. It was wonderful Um, so we're gonna try something different. We're gonna record this on Monday as you guys are hearing this probably at night

[00:03:43] Just know it's gonna be a fraction of what it would have been um A fraction I I'm gonna tell her like from a synopsis like key points and whatever about how terrible this book is And uh, yeah, you'll listen to that next monday

[00:03:58] Guess I'm done with star. Don't make promises. I'm done with star ocean We have to do just sit down tomorrow and record. So we should have a super easy dinner tomorrow I vote salmon and risotto So that we don't have to struggle to cook maybe Okay anyways

[00:04:14] We're not even doing a transition. We're just Going right into it middle earth march final episode The one and a quarter The last episode can hardly be called Middle earth march episode, but we did something lordo. So that that you wanted to do that I wanted to do

[00:04:39] Um, I just hope we get to do it again next year. We need to plan this out better for next year Yeah, and and do it with time. Yeah Not a week in advance like we always do. Anyways What did we do this week?

[00:04:53] This week actually five minutes ago We finished watching the 1977 animated hobbit the hobbit the hobbit. Yes Wow, that was uh, if you're wanting to watch it, uh, it's on hbo max right now or max and um I had actually seen this one before

[00:05:16] Because my mom rented it from movie gallery or something like that When I was in the fifth grade so that I could get my AR points because I didn't finish reading the book in time That I needed to take my test so We we rented that Probably vhs

[00:05:35] Guess what what I was right. What what were you right about? I'll tell you when we get to it keep going um That was the only time I ever saw it. I didn't remember shit about it except How bilbo looks

[00:05:51] With his little Betty white wig. Yeah, it's very much a toupee. It's more like red Red I'd say it's red more so than brown Looks like Betty white hair. I guess yeah It's uh, it's not exactly a masterpiece

[00:06:09] I thought it was great. I thought it was pretty good. You thought it was better than lordo Oh, fuck. Yeah, it was better. Yeah, it was definitely better than that better than that. That was painful. Oh, that was atrocious This was pretty painful too, but

[00:06:21] It wasn't bad. It really wasn't painful at all This was watchable. I started falling asleep at the end. I knew it. I told you you were sleep breathing But I started falling asleep in the war

[00:06:34] Because it's like I was on my phone through the whole fucking war. I missed all of it The war was like, oh There's and two armies sitting down there and then they're like, oh, there's three armies. Wait a fourth army It's a battle of four armies

[00:06:50] And then gandalf's like no wait, there's another one coming wait. It's a battle of five armies And then it's like five minutes of gandalf and bilbo walking and talking For the end of the movie and I'm just falling asleep the entire time

[00:07:07] But I was also very comfy on the couch. So I can't blame the movie itself The thing that I was right about um Is that you know how I told you that this looked like very 70s anime? Oh, yes that yes

[00:07:24] So is it american anime? No, no, uh, it was Created by rankin and bass. I have no idea who the fuck they are It was a 1977 animated musical television special And rankin and bass I had it animated by top craft top craft co limited is a animation studio

[00:07:48] Established in 1972 by former toey animation producer Toru Hara and it is located in tokyo japan So when they showed the humans I was like Huh because they look kind of like 1970s anime humans and the trolls and then the trolls and then

[00:08:08] The trolls specifically when they were eating the way that they were animated And then the uh the goblins Yeah, goblins looked very anime too so Pretty interesting that uh, you should look up the studio that did the ewok show

[00:08:26] We are the ee ee ee ee ee walks. It just felt like a very similar vibe I thought that even while we were on the boat and I was watching it I was like wow this seems very similar to that 1977

[00:08:40] Hobbit movie that I only saw one time in fifth grade It was it was by nil vana. They're canadian Is the one with the the little polar bear looking at the star. Okay. We are the ee ee ee ee

[00:08:53] Walk so soft. So tell me about the hobbit. What does it follow? What does it do? What is it? It's the hobbit. Uh-huh the book It seemed like really the only thing we left out was bayon and uh

[00:09:10] Legolas and but they're not supposed to be in the movie in the movie. They're not in the book That was a peter jackson thing. Tariel is not even a character And that that was peter jackson

[00:09:23] Keely never said anything keely and feely are not sexy little dwarves that you want to bang None of them are sexy Horrific and very old the noses the noses on those two And gandalf those noses are really horrifying and it's amazing to me

[00:09:42] Was creepy. Yeah, like when bill was blowing his smoke rings and he just appears Like with that shrill streaky sound like in that video That you say it's a final fantasy sound Tree Yeah, like a wild gandalf when gandalf appears in the goblin caves and it's like a

[00:10:07] A guns and roses song playing for a second. It's weird What when he shows up in the goblin caves at the beginning of it's like a heavy guitar like rock song And then it transitions into the rest of the movie type music, which was very folksy

[00:10:24] Yes, and you hate it. Yes the theme song the great adventure I think Reminds me a lot of the song I was just playing Which is the main song from the sword and the stone um Yeah I see Very similar vibes It was uh

[00:10:46] It was like a great adventure Blah blah blah blah. I don't know It was painful. It was very painful and like the voice acting like I feel like voice acting can't be bad because like you literally just talk

[00:11:04] You you don't you don't have to really I mean you're acting But you can you can let all of your inhibitions go, you know I feel like voice acting should be better than acting acting um but it wasn't It very much felt like they were just reading

[00:11:25] Especially gandalf well and then bilbo like because then bilbo narrates the whole fucking second half of the movie I was like, yes, and then we went here and I sat down and I wrote in my journal for gandalf and Blah blah blah blah blah

[00:11:41] And they kept calling smog smog. He looked like a fucking cat smog was a cat. He was a cat He was a cat with high beam eyes High beam eyes. He was trying to see bilbo. Yeah, and he was very disproportionate

[00:11:55] He was very fat. He was super fat and his neck was The longest most serpentine and then a cat but then a cat also down his back like he was super furry Yeah, that's weird. It's very weird

[00:12:09] Like did you had you never seen a dragon in 1977? Probably not Maybe I don't know let's go ask my mom. She was there I made a joke about her being Old earlier and she got mad. What'd you say when?

[00:12:27] Uh, she's like when she was talking about cutting toenails for a living. I'm like when was that like 30 years ago? She got mad. Oh it was Was it like 30 years ago when I was a kid? 1993

[00:12:44] So on yeah, oh I was obsessed with the power rangers when she was cutting nails Yeah, yeah, I wore a nightgown every time she took me up there to work Why I loved I loved little silk nightgowns. I wore them all the time

[00:12:59] You were a strange kid. I was a very strange kid. I mean look at her. She loved glamour She does not love glamour. Nope. No, you look like hair metal in that picture No, I look like Shirley dimple. Oh no, you look like hair metal

[00:13:13] You look like like axl rose in that picture. No, I don't yes, you do you look like slash Where every day I don't have long curly hair. Oh my god. Anyway, don't wear a top hat I wish you did Imagine

[00:13:34] And if you let your hair grow out it would be that curly I think honestly with how curly it gets when you let it grow Yeah, it would be curly, but it would be curly upwards. Yeah, it wouldn't be curly downwards true Anyway the hobbit

[00:13:48] It was it was terrible Gollum is a fucking frog. Oh golem was was a frog. He was I I didn't expect for them to do the whole scene The whole riddle the whole thing. Yeah, yeah

[00:14:02] Even though like halfway through it they like cut it and had a musical moment of some lady singing a riddle And then it went back and they continued with the fucking riddle and I I got to reread the book

[00:14:12] I'm still gonna go through with my reread. I'm just not gonna rush myself I'm only like halfway through the zilm rillian, but um I always forget like I forget because azog was a thing totally done by peter jackson um I forget that like the wargs

[00:14:32] Were still a thing and then going up the trees and the them setting the trees on fire. That's still a thing In the books. Yeah in the book. Excuse me I I sowned out at that moment. I think I was talking to burger champ

[00:14:45] You were getting our ice cream. You were getting my ice cream. Yeah Yeah, because I remember you came back like right when the eagles dropped him off and we're talking I'm just like if the eagles talked then they could have just flown him to mortaur

[00:14:57] And that would eagle talk Oh dear And the fucking thrush that was weird. Yeah, that was weird the thrush talking and bill bow sending a message to barred via the thrush. Yeah, what? and bard looked like magnum pi Uh

[00:15:19] What's his name? Magnum. P. I just leave it. I don't remember his name. What's his name? She said his name It's it's not burt reynolds. Burt reynolds. He totally looked like burt reynolds. Yes, he did

[00:15:31] Then you're misremembering burt reynolds. You're misremembering magnum p. I I don't know anything about magnum p. I tom salick That's who he looked like he looked like tom salick and burt reynolds Look at how similar tom salick and burt reynolds. Look they could have been twins

[00:15:47] Oh my god, I I think for a long time. I thought tom salick and burt reynolds were the same person They look so much alike A little bit in the mustache says the man who thinks that every woman with the same hair color is the same woman

[00:16:02] You cannot tell me that soie de chanel and katie perry look exactly alike They do look a lot alike, but they are not the same person. They are the same person

[00:16:11] Oh my god, and you cannot tell me that lady gaga and the crackhead down the street are not the same person They are the same person what lady gaga is the crack head down the street

[00:16:22] Yes, the lady who used to walk up and down econ in her ratty clothes. Yes, that's lady gaga. Yeah, okay that crackhead Okay, yeah same person few say so same person. Mm-hmm Okie dokie. Yeah Yeah

[00:16:37] Tomorrow's toke in reading day. So while you're listening to this know that it is toke in reading day and you should pick up something To read even if it's only like a passage to celebrate Yes, it's the day that the ring was destroyed Oh really?

[00:16:53] March 25th. Mm-hmm. Oh, that's pretty cool. Mm-hmm Oh, yeah, you'll have to remind me that tomorrow. I will um i'm gonna listen to the film really in tomorrow I thought it was a a fun movie. Okay, I I

[00:17:09] Could see that my parents renting this when I was a kid and like mine did and making me watch it your ar test Your your ar points in no, did you have ar in Puerto Rico? No, they don't care if you read

[00:17:24] Yeah, I can see my parents like renting this like oh it's animated. He'll like it and then Me being horrified by golem because holy shit golem was carry scary. Was he as scary as the other one though?

[00:17:36] No, no the other one with his blockhead and yeah, he was way worse. Oh that one was fucking horrific I'll take the frog any day. Oh, yeah Actually Aragorn was creepy as fuck Yeah, he was I'll take these people. I'll take bard over there

[00:17:53] Bard yeah, it's thomselic mustache. Yeah Hey thomselic was a is he's still alive, right? He's still alive thomselic is a very handsome man You didn't watch friends. He's a very handsome man He has a show which is like fire pd or whatever

[00:18:11] Now, yeah, he's like the the is he finally gray or is he still coloring his hair? He's gray. He's gray, but he has some black moustache. He I gotta look him up the show is like it's called like

[00:18:26] Fire police department or something like that. Chicago fire where they're like cops, but also firefighters for some reason So they can't say fuck the police otherwise. They won't turn off your house fire

[00:18:38] Um, look look him up. He looks exactly the same except gray and with a black mustache Does he age probably not Wasn't he No, he was pretty young in the 80s wasn't he when he was doing Magnum pi

[00:18:56] I think so, but he was already old when he was on friends Yeah, can you imagine that his look for magnum p. I was him watching this lord of the rings tv special and be like Oh my gosh, I want to look like that when i'm an adult

[00:19:14] Because that yeah, it does look a lot like him, um, but I thought it was pretty fun. I thought it was Uh a take on the hobbit and I thought it was Very funny how every time that they Got into trouble gandalf disappeared before they got into trouble

[00:19:33] They got into like trouble like we're all gonna die a kind of trouble and then gandalf just shows up and saves everyone That's what happens, but in this one. He just like literally pops up out of thin air Like a magical being Here's a wizard

[00:19:48] And that damn song and the sound mixing is terrible Like you have them having a full blown conversation and the music is playing so loud You can't understand what they're saying it's almost like tenet

[00:19:58] Especially when they were in rivendell and they're sitting at the table the fucking song is playing the whole time And rivendell was weird Thranduil We forgot this he is russian He's a russian frog person thing. He's voiced by racco. It's horrifying It's very upsetting

[00:20:19] Yeah, I don't like that I was gonna say something and I completely forgot um Like alvron got to be a man. Yes, but thranduil is a frog Um, what was I gonna say? I don't know I feel like I'm on crack after watching that right, um

[00:20:45] Hmm, I forgot. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I kind of remembered um So, you know, I I've always had kind of like a weird Feeling at the beginning of the hobbit that gandalf is just running all over middle earth causing Stress and strife for everybody he can

[00:21:06] cost stress and strife too because everybody knows fucking gandalf like everybody knows him in the little the little rings Bilbo even knows him from stories Right shows up and like he just shows up and he's like you're gonna be a thief

[00:21:21] You're gonna be my thief and you have no choice in the matter Was he doing that to other people all over middle earth? I If if there was internet in middle earth, do you think they would have cancelled gandalf? They would have exposed them

[00:21:36] Done like a quiet onset, but gandalf like were you personally victimized by this man trying to turn you into a burglar We're giving you a really important task that would lead to certain death

[00:21:48] Right and they just call it and it's an just a little adventure. You can just just go on this adventure It'll it'll be yeah, he probably would have been cancelled like Probably would have gone to prison for hobbit cruelty Right like he gave those hobbits shit

[00:22:07] Like he he hated he must have hated those hobbits like to make them do the shit that he made them do It's crazy. Oh I I think it was interesting. I think it was it was worth the watch um It was a very nice easy way to

[00:22:27] Pull something out of our asses for middle earth march. Yeah, yeah Right now i'm just trying to kill time because we're 20 minutes I don't want to upload a 20 minute episode how long you want it to be I don't know 30

[00:22:39] I guess you have anything else you want to say about that movie Not really no No, the spiders were creepy as fuck they look like bat spiders they were like Spiders with bat heads. It was weird the spider. Yeah very weird

[00:22:58] I particularly like that how every time bilbo killed the spider it would just kaleidoscope kaleidoscope kaleidoscope whatever Every time a spider would get killed by bilbo you would just see its face turn into kaleidoscope It was like the cat Yeah

[00:23:19] Oh my gosh, I can't I haven't seen that video in a while. I haven't either. Yeah, hasn't been a year yet. I guess um very very interesting Watch and I kind of like how bilbo Towards the end once Gandalf is like oh i'm i'm

[00:23:37] Going away because I have stuff to do in the south you're you're in charge now And bilbo kind of becomes like this little badass that kills everything and saves the dwarves and the dwarves are like Yeah

[00:23:51] Right and then when the war starts and he sees like the fifth army drone. He's like fuck this I see him he did look really funny like when he puts on the ring it's just um, he's transparent

[00:24:09] He's not invisible. No he his transparency is turned up to like 97 Right and like he pulls the sword out and like the sword is like floating and glowing And then sometimes the sword is invisible too So very inconsistent

[00:24:24] Little bit little bit. Yeah, it's fun fun watch. I don't think they planned on people in 2024 Dissecting their animated film for 20 minutes also. So I recognized bilbo's I feel like certain that I recognize bilbo's voice um, he the man who plays him

[00:24:44] Was apparently in an episode of modern family and in an episode of grace and franky Which now makes me since I'm kind of rewatching modern family with my mom. I want to catch where he is I guess we could google it. Yeah, what was his name? Uh worsen

[00:25:03] Hold on. Let me oh, what's it? There was like a one character one one actor one credit To a theodore. Yes. Just theodore Like you see like all of the names just like popping up and disappearing and then you just see theodore by itself

[00:25:22] Here you find him in these shows What's his name? Hold on His name is or was Orson bean Orson bean and grace and franky and orson bean in modern family. Oh, he died in 2020. Yep Okay Grayson franky The guy who was gendalf died 10 years after this movie

[00:25:51] In 87 oh really Yes, okay, that's him and grayson franky Oh, okay. He's in the nursing home. Okay. Okay And then you said orson bean where modern family Modern family Oh john huston is the narrator in the black cauldron that makes sense

[00:26:17] He's marty and modern family. Mm-hmm. I see I don't remember him at all. Let me see um No

[00:26:31] Yes, um remember when j j and gloria have over the other couple who is a young woman an older guy and j's upset because the guy's like so much older and And just like j's like really do you think that do you think that little of me?

[00:26:48] No, I don't I don't remember it looks like They're okay. We need to find this there's a return of the king film from 1980 And john huston is gendalf again and that um It's a tv movie

[00:27:07] Does that mean they did all of them? No, it goes from the hobbit to the return of the king So we need to find that that looks horrific 1980 That you thought that it oh boy You thought bilbo looked bad look at that shit Look at that schnaz jesus

[00:27:32] Where can we watch this? Let's see. It doesn't look like you can watch it anywhere That sucks available on prime Hmm Return of the king 1980 uh Let's see Doesn't look like it's anywhere Okay, let's buy the dvd. Just watch what you're not doing No Well that blows right

[00:28:06] What can I watch return of the uh max no that's not it Yeah, it's it's nowhere recent tv. Let's see if am oh looks like amazon has it really on prime though Or do you have to be a chest tape? Yeah? No

[00:28:20] No, we're not doing that. Oh that fucking sucks is on youtube Is it? That doesn't look like it Oh Yes, it is is it really what toki video the fuck is toki video? Hmm It's it looks like it's a streaming YouTube-ish kind of site, but

[00:28:44] What the fuck is this? What are you looking at? um Karen I'm trying to see if it's the same movie or if it's something else. Can't watch it there uh Are you really gonna make us watch like all these terrible that there's this betty tails looking shit

[00:29:03] That is that's it. No, it's not this looks way too good That's it. Is it really? We don't we don't need we don't need that we don't need that in our lives

[00:29:14] We don't need a physical copy of it. No, are you sure? It's bad enough having that lordo copy Of the haunt me. Yeah yeah, I should um Make copies of that dvd and replace all of your lord of the rings movies with copies of it

[00:29:32] So that that's the only that you can watch the only version You would love it So much especially with those orcs that are just people in horn helmets. I quit You you've got the balrog. That's like a

[00:29:48] What what are those things called like a sphinx basically? It was awful. Oh my god. Oh Shoot me Yeah, um, I had fun. You didn't but I thought it was fine. I wasn't miserable

[00:30:03] It was only a little miserable. That was totally miserable. Do you recommend this to people? I don't know about that I would recommend it to anime people Because technically since it was made in japan It is an anime So

[00:30:28] Is it the earliest anime ever on american soil? I don't think so But it is still a pretty early one that people don't know about And it's not bad. It's really not bad. It's it's interesting. It's very interesting. It's very much a kids movie. Yes

[00:30:45] Um gauntlet is horrific, but it's very much still a kids movie. It's not as horrific as the other one It's fine. I don't have that other one for this. They shouldn't be scarred too much No

[00:30:55] No, and I think it did a pretty good job at holding my attention And I covered all three peter jackson movies in one Oh He he blessed his heart. He took lots creative liberties Stretched that shit out. Yeah, he did

[00:31:13] He kept a bang for his buck. Oh, yeah All right, so is that it anything else you want to say? I think that is it Okay, um Yeah, sorry for the short episode Mary middle earth march Mary middle earth march

[00:31:29] We'll be back monday with the backlog of doom review episode Uh And there might be some extra episode coming out this week. Um, I'll try to figure that out and I will If you'll see you'll see it so

[00:31:45] Anything else you want to say before we end the episode care? That's it. All right. Do you want to say goodbye to everyone? Goodbye everyone? Goodbye everyone