The 3DO Experience - Episode 75: Army Men: Sarge's War: 3DO's Swan Song!

[00:00:00] Have you experienced the awesome power of the Panasonic Real 3DO System? Obviously. Presenting 3DO, the most advanced home gaming system in the universe. It's time to put away your toys. 3DO from Panasonic, Gold Star and Creative Labs. Anurou Peiss and 3DO.

[00:00:22] The graphics of Panasonic Real 3DO. 3DO. Hello everybody and welcome back to the 3DO Experience, the 3DO Retrospective Podcast where we talk about all things 3DO, the 3DO company, the console and everything in between. I am Bill and this is Thrak. How you doing, Thrak?

[00:00:48] Oh, hey Bill. I'm good. I'm excited for this week's episode. How are you doing? I'm alive. I've been dealing with like, literally the day after we recorded last podcast, I caught the plague and I've just been like sick for like a week now. Oh, that's awful. Like I actually like, and the worst part is I'm out of sick time because of my wisdom teeth like that like destroyed all my sick time for the year and it doesn't reset until my hire date, which is until like April.

[00:01:18] So. So you're not getting paid at all right now. Oh no, I've been going to work. That's, that's why it's so bad. That's crazy man. I mean, I get it. I get it. You got bills to pay, but man, that sucks. Like I went on Friday and I was so sick. I had to go home early. Like I only lasted like two hours and I was like shaking at the machine. I'm like, I can't fucking do this. So I, yeah. I had to take the hit, but are they being assholes to you or they just go home, man.

[00:01:48] So as much as I don't like to raise things that happened during that era, one thing, good thing we did get out of a COVID was now basically any employer, basically if you're sick, they'll be like, just go home. Like they won't even question you. So. Yeah. I did notice that shift like, yeah. Pre-COVID that they would get really shitty about you taking a sick day for any reason.

[00:02:13] Um, but yeah, post COVID now, if you ever aren't feeling good, people are like, yeah, just go home. Don't worry about it. That there's like a running joke in the shop. I work at where anytime someone cops, like someone across the room will just yell sick, go home. Um, that's funny. Yeah. There's something going around and doing in like this, my area right now. Cause, um, pretty much everybody in my shop is sick. Like we all have the same thing. Um, my sister's got it. She got it from her company.

[00:02:42] Um, so she's also dealing with this right now. It's just like that, that time of year, unfortunately. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it could be a bad omen for things to come because you know, yesterday was a inauguration day. So I didn't even realize that until I went on the internet. I was like, Oh, right. Cool. Yeah. Well, we won't deep dive into it, but there was a lot of stuff that happened that I'm like, we might be doing.

[00:03:12] And I'll be royally fucked like royally fucked, but we'll get into it here. I'll continue to just kind of live ignorantly. Like I normally do. Yeah. Well, we'll see how long that can last. Yeah. Um, but yeah, but, but today is an exciting day because we are tackling our first army man game.

[00:03:31] And I guess this will be a 3DO sub series where we, where we work through every single army man game. Um, that we can, I guess. Um, but no, go ahead. I was going to say like, and before, but like before that, I was going to say, we're not doing them in order. We're literally just going to do them as, as we feel like it. So, cause ironically we're doing what is essentially, it's not technically the last one, but it might as well be the last one.

[00:03:58] Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, but before we get into that, um, there was, I guess some gaming news that happened. Um, well, there was that one big thing, but before we get into that, um, the other thing was a team cherry decided to break, uh, their radio silence.

[00:04:16] And actually, uh, they said something about silk song. Um, all they really said is, uh, yes, the game is real. It's progressing and it will release. That's really all they said, but it was nice that they actually came up for air and said something. Um, cause I guess it was supposed to come out the first half of 2023, but it got delayed now for almost two years.

[00:04:40] So I feel like it might actually come out this year. Like I'm not somebody who's anticipating it. I really wasn't a big fan of hollow night in general. Um, it would just be nice to see this game actually come out. So people will shut up about it. Um, and I imagine it'll probably be a good game when it comes out. I'm sure it will. Like this year might be the year. Why not? I'm sure it will. Like hollow night was a game where I played. I'm like, this is beautiful. I get the appeal, but this just isn't my kind of game.

[00:05:04] Um, I need to give it some more time. I just, there were things about the game that kind of bugged me, but it's a cool game for what it is, but yeah, but who knows? It's still on game pass and silk song is day one game pass as well. So it might give me some reason to check them out, but why silk song may actually be coming out this year is because, um, Nintendo finally did it. They finally ripped off the switch to bandaid and we now have

[00:05:34] seen the switch to, and I'm thinking silk song may be there for the launch of it. And it's exactly the thing we saw like four months ago. Basically all we saw in that switch to reveal was everything that the leaks had showed us that it was bigger. They're doing the magnetic, uh, like clank or whatever for the suit for the joy con instead of the rails. They look bigger. Like the switch itself is bigger. Um, it's got a kickstand finally. A better hand. Yeah.

[00:06:04] A real kickstand, um, a USB C port on the top, which I know some people complain about the switch one, like trying to charge it sometimes could be an issue with the USB C only on the bottom. Um, and yeah, the joy cons, like they have that little bit that sticks out of them. Now, uh, I believe there's a laser pointer honors. They can be used as mice. We'll see how that goes.

[00:06:27] Um, I have a feeling that little bit where they showed the analog sticks moving was them being like, we got the Hall effect sticks, so there won't be any drift. That does just a guess appear guests on my part. Um, and they were like, oh, and here's Mario cart. And then it was like, cool. Mario cart. I'm if it's just a sequel to eight deluxe, I'm probably not going to buy it because if it's just eight deluxe, but with slightly different tracks and slightly different characters, I'm like, I don't care. Yeah. Genuinely.

[00:06:56] I don't care, but whatever. Um, and yeah, it's just, it's everything we saw in the leaks. And I guess in April, we'll get a direct that details like the console itself and probably the launch lineup when it's coming out price, all that stuff. So we'll most likely do a big super pod show right after it to talk about everything that happened in that. But, you know, so, but yeah, it's kind of what we expected.

[00:07:25] And that seemed to be the prevailing, um, comments online for people going, oh, okay. Yeah. There was, it was generally a giant, like, um, giant wave of cool. And everyone just moved on with their day. It was weird to see some people get a little upset because there's nothing that drastically different about it. But I don't think, I mean, Nintendo is known for fixing stuff that isn't broken. True.

[00:07:53] But, um, but it's like, it's a new regime. I get them wanting to do this, especially if they're like, oh, we're going to make the Switch 2 backwards compatible with the Switch 1. Great idea. Um, it just makes sense to stay with the form factor. It did super well, better than anybody expected. So I don't blame them, especially with like the Steam Deck and the ROG Allies showing that there is a market for this beyond the Switch that Nintendo is like, oh, this is like a new market we've created essentially.

[00:08:23] So why not remain at the forefront of it? So, yeah, it should be cool. And people are, you know, there have been so many like 20 plus minute, 30 plus minute videos of people dissecting that like two minute trailer. You know, like it's kind of ridiculous. I mean, I get it. You need the content because January is usually slow, but like, I don't know, man.

[00:08:47] And seeing people see like the little clasps thinking those are going to be like a, like a problem for the Switch 2 because instead of like the rails, it's just like the sunken in bit with this very little connector that like, I guess the Switch 2 will magnetically pull it in. And people are like, oh, that's going to like, that's going to wear out or that's going to break the switch or whatever the hell. And I'm looking at it and I'm like, I really don't think it'll be a problem. I really don't. Like there are so many things that use magnets in that sort of form.

[00:09:17] It's perfectly fine. Like nobody ever fucking bitches about it. So I love when something like this comes out and suddenly everybody's a fucking engineer. And I'm like, OK. Yeah. I mean, it could be a fail. It could be a sore spot, but we won't know until we actually have one. Yeah. Like they're actually like holding it and playing it. But from what I know, like I know there are certain like kitchen appliances where the connector for the plug is magnetic.

[00:09:41] Like they have a magnetic style plug to where it's just easier to connect those things together. And I assume that's why they're going to do it like magnetic. So you don't have to worry about because the rails cause so many issues for people. And also it was people being fucking stupid. So it's going to be curious to see how people will complain about complain to Nintendo for like their Switch 2 breaking despite them trying everything they can to fuck with it. And they're going to get mad at Nintendo. And it's like most people aren't doing the weird shit that you're doing with it.

[00:10:11] Yeah. You know, like they did that with the Switch 1 anyway. So yeah, it was such a video of them being like, OK, here it is. Shut up. We'll talk about it in April. That's what it felt like. The people complaining are the same people that are licking the cartridges. I mean, it's like. I still do to be like, do they still do? Do they still do the put the coating on them? They still do. Oh, yeah. It's a good idea. It makes perfect sense.

[00:10:38] Yeah, it's just I do remember when the Switch came out. That was some people like, oh, if you look at the cartridge, it has like a weird taste to it. And you do. And you're like, oh, what the fuck is that? And then you look it up and it's like, oh, just so kids don't eat them. We made them repulsive. Like, smart idea. It's a non-toxic. It's a non-toxic coating that tastes extremely unpleasant to keep babies from eating them. Oh, yeah. Of course. Weirdly enough, as like an adult, you could.

[00:11:04] I mean, you could get used to it probably, but like it's like, yeah. It's the equivalent of like smelling salts, I guess, for a cartridge. I'm just sitting there like as an adult, you should not be eating your Switch games. Those things are expensive. That's my logic here. You're going to eat your $70 Zelda game. What's wrong with you? Yeah, no, like priorities.

[00:11:27] Yeah, so what I'm most interested in is like the game lineup, you know, like I assume 3D Mario is going to. Well, we know Mario Kart 9 is going to be there. I think a good chance Metroid Prime 4 is there as a cross-gen title. And I'm pretty sure we'll get 3D Mario. I think it'll be shown. It might not launch with it if they're like we have Mario Kart.

[00:11:53] But I think we will finally see the next 3D Mario in April, which is what I'm excited to see. I want to see what that. But because, again, we haven't gotten one since Odyssey. We had Bowser's Fury, but like they were both fantastic. So I'm like, I need to see what they're doing next. I just I want it. Odyssey is one of the few games I like consider a perfect game. Like, I just don't see any flaws with it. Other than the goddamn jump rope minigame. But that's besides the point.

[00:12:20] It's one of the very few video games I've put well over 100 hours into and would do it all again. Like, there's very few games I've put that much time into that I would if I had to reset and start from scratch, I would do it. Like Odyssey is one of there's really only like two, three games off the top of my head that I would do that with. And Odyssey is definitely one of them. No, for sure.

[00:12:50] I can't wait for the next 3D Mario. As long as they improve from like, I think if they take the best from Odyssey and then the best from Bowser's Fury, put them together. I think we might have like one of the best Mario games ever made. Honestly, one of the best games ever made. Seriously. But yeah, we'll see. We'll see. I think we're planning to do some like Super Pod thing this week. So we can probably get more in detail then. So I won't I won't keep going to on too long.

[00:13:18] So but that was basically it this week. There really wasn't much else. I did see a leak today that Doom the Dark Ages is release date. It's going to be May 15th.

[00:13:56] May 15th. Jus is there. South of Midnight's there. Expedition 33 is there. And then a unannounced fourth game, which is some like random Japanese IP. So I will be watching, of course. And then when we do 3DO next week or who knows, maybe if we do the Super Pod show by that time, I'll talk about my thoughts. I'll probably say them on here as well.

[00:14:23] So I'm sure there's at least one person who will be curious to what I think. There was one other gaming thing I saw. It's not really news. It's more just a curiosity. Amazon finally canceled all of the Mighty No. 9 3DS preorders. Oh, it's about time. I was amazed they were still going. My guess is they completely forgot.

[00:14:47] And then somebody at work was probably bored and scrolling through stuff and saw that was still like an option. And they're like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. And they probably checked. They're like, is that still a thing? And they look there like, no, let's just get rid of it. It's funny, too, because they had canceled the Vita preorders like years ago. Like that was already like way long gone. The 3DS one just kind of persisted there for a while. Yeah. My guess is they probably just forgot.

[00:15:18] That's happened in the past with some games because I know back when Metal Gear Rising was quietly canceled in the background because my mom had preordered that for me for Christmas and then it just kind of disappeared. And then they never took the preorder down. And then when it got changed into Revengeance, it ended up shipping and like it showed up one day and she was like, oh, right. I ordered this. That's awesome, isn't it?

[00:15:45] It's just funny how like you could preorder one thing and then they'll just kind of change it to the thing it becomes. And then it just shows up and you're like, oh, right. I mean, that's very nice rather than just like be like, oh, you didn't necessarily preorder this one. So it doesn't count. Yeah. Which would be bullshit. So that's nice of them. Especially because Konami did technically cancel that game. Yeah. Yeah. I weirdly enough, I remember when Rising was first announced and it was well.

[00:16:14] It wasn't it was was what like Metal Gear Solid Rising or something stupid. And it was Metal Gear Solid Rising. And it was a mid quill that took place after two. But before four. And it explained how right and ended up the way he was in four. Yeah. Like how he turned the gray. Yeah. How he turned the gray fox. Basically.

[00:16:34] I remember when that first got announced because if you listen to the new novel console, I'm on that where we're going to be playing all of the Metal Gear games. So if you haven't heard, go to a novel console and listen to that first episode where it's me, Chris, Eric and Keith. Eric's from the Unlockables. Keith's from Main Quest. And we're going to be playing all the Metal Gear games throughout the throughout the year. So stay tuned for that. I talked about how.

[00:17:03] Like since middle school, I've always been surrounded by at least one person who's obsessed with Kojima. So when Metal Gear Solid Rising first appeared, because I remember I had a 360 at the time. So and the people I knew had a PS3, they had it for Metal Gear Solid 4. Like that's the game they bought the system for. Yeah. And then they were touting how much they had that game for that and not the 360. It was a whole thing at the time. It was console. Yeah. One that really mattered. Yeah.

[00:17:33] And it's still to this day, it's the only Metal Gear Solid game I don't have immediate access to. Yeah. Either through just owning it officially or being able to emulate it. Like my PC cannot emulate PS3 games. So I've tried. I've tried. I promise. I've tried. And yeah, I'd love to play for. In fact, in the episode, Chris mentions if the Master Collection, which is the second volume of it, which is rumored to be a thing and would have four on it.

[00:18:02] If that doesn't come out this year, he's just going to give us all PS3 so we can play the game. So. But yeah. But anyways, but Metal Gear Solid Rising, I remember that first was shown and it was touted at the time as coming to 360, which I was like, oh, sweet. We're going to get a bugger solid game for 360. That's cool. And some of my friends were pissed that it was like much more of an action oriented type of thing when I didn't think that was like a bad thing. I'm like, it looks kind of cool. I don't know. But I never got around to playing it.

[00:18:31] And still to this day, I've played no more than like 10 minutes of it. So. So in the series, I will get to it. And I'm very excited to get to it because that game has has legs in a way that I don't think anybody ever really expected. As far as like memes and everything, like every couple of years, some like big YouTuber rediscovers the game and it becomes a thing again. You know, and some Brerow riding comes out and then jokes happen, you know. Yeah. My sources. I made it the fuck up.

[00:19:01] You know? Yeah. Oh, man. But yeah, we'll talk about all that shit later. Last update, too, is we did get new Nintendo music on the app because this is just the thing we do now. Oh, yeah. So let's see. Which one is it? I don't care if my device has great new features. Shut up, Google.

[00:19:29] Well, it's not another GBA game because it's still all by itself. Like, come on. Give me Advance Wars. God damn it. I love that soundtrack. I know. Also, like, what do they have against the goddamn 3DS? Give us some 3DS music. Oh, OK. That's not a bad soundtrack. Yeah. I was actually nice.

[00:19:56] I love Super Nintendo music, but I wish they'd do some more variety. I hope we don't get DMC8. I'm sorry. But yeah, it's Super Mario Kart for the Super Nintendo. My least favorite Mario Kart, but a pretty damn good soundtrack. Hmm. Yeah, it's weird. Like, that game, for the time, it was probably cool. I still prefer F-Zero. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It hasn't aged well. I think Super Circuit's better, which some people think is blasphemous to say,

[00:20:25] but I still prefer playing Super Circuit. Super Circuit's not great either, but I would rather play it than Super Mario Kart. Super Circuit was made by intelligence systems. I still find that weird. Eh, they need something to do, I guess, between all their fire emblems and all their Paper Marios and whatever the hell they were doing. Advance Wars, maybe. I don't know. Oh, yeah. They're always very busy. I mean, that's cool. Yeah, but I don't know. Super Mario Kart just never clicked with me.

[00:20:52] Some people have said you need to play it on the original hardware to get it, I guess. No, I found it slow and boring. I don't know. Yeah, it's just like, you can tell it's the first game in a series like that. You know? Like racing games or sports games or whatever. Usually the earlier entries aren't always the best because they're still kind of fine-tuning it and figuring out what works and what doesn't work. So, like, there are 64 defenders.

[00:21:19] I can't agree with a lot of what they say about 64. Double Dash, I have a lot of nostalgic feeling for, but I could see why people would hate that game if they tried to play it. Like, if you played a lot of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe and then went to Double Dash, you'd probably be like, this is shit. You know what I mean? You probably would just because it's so different. The drifting is so weird. You get used to it, but it feels unnatural, the snaking thing. It doesn't feel right.

[00:21:49] Oh, DS snaking. That was a fucking nightmare. I love DS. Yeah, why'd you bring that up? DS is fun. DS is fun, but yeah, I can't stand that shit. We, I have a love-hate relationship with Mario Kart Wii. Motorcycles break it in half. Yeah. And then 7 is fine, but it's just a not as good 8. And Deluxe is just a better version of 8, which is a better version of 7. So, you know. See. You have Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, which is great. The thing that Mario Kart has now is like, there's competition.

[00:22:19] Like, we got Crash Team Racing Nitro Fueled. Love that game. And the Sonic Racers. Like, Sonic Transformed is still an amazing racer. Oh, yeah. Like, that's the thing. Just about any other kart racer these days, I would play over Mario Kart 8. I mean, I haven't played like that Garfield kart racer or whatever, but at least I would play that over Mario Kart 8 because it's something different. Yeah. Literally, that's the only reason. Because I have Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. I can always play it whenever I want.

[00:22:49] But it's like, that Crash Nitro Kart is fucking cool. I mean, Sony gave up on it like most things they did, but they had Mod Nation Racers for a while and that was a fun fucking series. Didn't they make a LittleBigPlanet kart racer? Yeah, it was the same dev. They just made it LittleBigPlanet instead and it was very unremarkable. Call me if Sumo Digital ever makes a Mario Kart. Then we're talking. Because a shout out to Exit, Tony.

[00:23:19] We were chatting the other day and he told me that OutRun 2006 Coast to Coast, the PC version got an unofficial fan mod. Oh. And that it cleaned up a lot of things and made it more playable for modern hardware. And he went ahead and just like emailed me his copy. And so I haven't. I've played it and it is fucking. That might be my favorite racing game of all time. That is a good game. It's perfect. Ah, so good. But we're not here to talk about OutRun.

[00:23:49] Let's finally get to our first game in the Army Men sub series. You probably saw it peeking in Bill's corner. Army Men, Sarge's War. This game is. What a clean copy, by the way. Like I'm surprised at how well it looks, you know? You know, I'm assuming it's mostly because of the fact that other than mine has like sticky residue on it because fucking GameStop.

[00:24:18] I'm assuming this game wasn't played much by whoever bought it. I will say, though, OG Xbox cases are pretty good. They are solid. These are like nice and solid. You see them damaged here and there, but not that often. Like more than the GameCube because the GameCube cases are incredible, but not as much as say the PS2 cases, which those are like just the official ones are kind of pieces of shit.

[00:24:45] The original early ones are nice. Pretty good. Yeah. And they cheaped out by the end because everything got super cheap by the end. Exactly. So, but yeah, a nice clean copy. Yeah, probably wasn't played much, but it's a game that if you are in our age demographic, you have seen this cover before. At least you saw this on a shelf, at least. Yes. Either in a Walmart, in a Target, in a Kmart, in a KB Toys, in a Toys R Us, or a rental store,

[00:25:15] or even a used video game shop. You can go to a video game, a used video game shop anywhere near you. Go into the PS2, Xbox, GameCube section. You will find one copy of this game. I could almost guarantee it. I would bet money. The probably five bucks I spent on this game. Yeah. So, interestingly enough, this is like, I like to split the 3DO into like three eras. Obviously, we're mostly covering the console era.

[00:25:42] Like, they're arguably the most interesting era of 3DO. Then there's the third party era, which is we've dabbled in a bit. We covered Battle Tanks. That was a game from that era. And then this is what I like to call the bankruptcy era, where 3DO was dead. Like, this is the first game after 3DO kicked the bucket. Yeah. Though it was originally developed by them. Yes. This game is very weird.

[00:26:11] But it was so most sources say it was developed by a studio called Tactical Development, which everything I've read about. There's no information on this company. Moby Games flat out just says 3DO made it. I mean, to be fair, it probably was mostly made by 3DO. So, I think the story goes, yeah, they were working on this game when they had to file bankruptcy. And then I think it was Global Star Software that I think most people associate this series with.

[00:26:40] Like, just went ahead and bought the IP and bought the rights. And then, you know, I guess either shipped it to this tactical development team or maybe they just renamed it, renamed the dev team. Because, like, maybe 3DO had finished it and they just, like, Global Star went in and cleaned it up a little bit and then just threw, like, a random name on it. So that 3DO isn't associated with it, potentially.

[00:27:04] From what I read, and this is going off of, like, a number of unverified sources that was just kind of, like, hearsay. Tactical development is just Global Star, but they didn't want to put their name on it for some reason. Yeah. The story I read was development started at 3DO, like, before 3DO went under. Well, 3DO was going under. But right before they filed for bankruptcy.

[00:27:32] After they went into bankruptcy and liquidation, Global Star picked up basically the unfinished code for this. And then they basically finished it at as little amount of effort and budget as possible. So about the same amount of effort 3DO put into it. Yeah. Yeah. And it shows. It actually, actually, we'll get into it because I have things to say about this game. But, yeah, it's unknown how much work Global Star actually put into it.

[00:28:01] It's all that we've been informed is they finished it and shipped it. Yeah. And that's the thing. It's a game that when you play it, it doesn't come off as, like, unfinished or, like, half-baked or anything. No. Like, it feels like at least, which, by the way, I'm judging it based on, like, this series of games. It feels like it was probably done and ready to go.

[00:28:27] But there are some bits where it's, like, certain levels and, like, certain assets feel a little too repeated. Which might have been, say, Global Star going in and maybe be just adding in some extra stuff just to kind of try to smooth it out and maybe give it some consistency. Potentially. But it feels like the main core of the game, you know, was what 3DO had wanted to do.

[00:28:52] Because I believe this is the third in the Sarge's Heroes sub-series of the Army Men that most people associate the series with. Yeah. So it is the third in the Sarge's Heroes sub-series. It's also the final game in the whole Sarge storyline, which included, obviously, the Sarge's Heroes games. The Air Attack games were also part of that. I think Green Rogue was technically involved.

[00:29:21] And Portal Runner were all part of this. Your favorite game, Portal Runner. That game is such a weird game. I can't wait until we cover that because, oh my god. We'll get to it. We'll get to it. We'll get to it. Green Rogue isn't specified as part of the Sarge's Heroes thing, but I feel like you can probably throw it in there if you want. It fits more than the World War series, which was based off of 3D and was more inspired by the original Army Men games.

[00:29:51] Yeah. That I agree with. They don't feel the same compared to the Sarge's Heroes stuff. RTS is its own thing. Though, RTS is technically in the Sarge timeline because it is using those characters. True. It's weird, debatably, where it sits, but it's kind of like its own... It floats in a little bubble on that timeline where it just could be wherever. I would throw it in the Sarge's Heroes because it's specifically using those characters in its story. Yeah.

[00:30:21] Yeah, because other than... Because Sarge technically appears in both series, but the Sarge in the original series is a lot less interesting. Yeah. Well, it's not using just Sarge. It's using other characters from the Sarge's... Yeah. The whole Sarge's Heroes gang is in RTS. Yes. So, that's why I consider it a part of that. Like, it feels like it's trying to be a Sarge's Hero...

[00:30:44] Like, trying to take the Sarge's Heroes characters and lore and combine it with, say, more of the strategy-style gameplay of the original Army Men's. Trying to find, like, a middle ground. But we can get to that when we actually get to RTS. Also, another interesting thing about Sarge's War. It was released for PC... Excuse me. Xbox, GameCube, and PS2. But PS2, there is a bit of an asterisk there. I initially didn't think this game came out on PS2. It did. Only in Europe.

[00:31:14] That is weird, yeah. Because I associate this game with the GameCube. Because growing up, when I used to rent GameCube games at the rental store, I always saw this guy. I always saw him. And I think for a while, I did have the GameCube copy of this. And I played a level or two and got bored of it. But when we decided to do this series, I was like, let me see if I can find Sarge's Heroes for the Xbox. Since I have an Xbox now. And it was very easy to find. And honestly, it kind of fits with the Xbox aesthetic.

[00:31:44] Maybe because of the green, obviously. But, you know, there's something about this cover and sort of the weirdness of this game that fits the OG Xbox's mentality. You know what I mean? It just kind of feels like an OG Xbox game. Yeah, especially playing some of the shit in this game is very OG Xbox. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you can see some of the influences this game has.

[00:32:12] Because Sarge's Heroes 1 and 2, I think we could argue, are much more comical in nature. They're a lot more silly, tongue-in-cheek. Like, you know, trying to just have fun with it and being like, yeah, this is like Green Army Men toys who will fight in their play sets that are to scale. But they'll also fight in a kitchen where cups are the size of giant buildings or whatever, right? Like, the air attack games in particular go so hard into that aesthetic. Like, you can literally just...

[00:32:42] There's like levels where it's like... In air attack, like, for example, there's like straight up levels where it's like, you need to save our secret weapon. The Tan Army has it sealed. And then you blow up the capturing device and it's a bunch of bugs and they just go, we're free once we get out. And then they just decimate the Tan Army once they're free. But it's goofy shit like that. Like, these games... That's the thing about this game that makes it really odd.

[00:33:10] Is the Army Men series is notable for being weird and goofy. Yeah, and like not having like a real consistent identity either. Because in such a short time, we got so many games in the series, right? And they're all over the place in terms of like genre. And like what kind of stories they want to tell. The kind of characters they have. Do they want to be more chung and chic? Do they want to be more serious? Kind of a thing.

[00:33:39] And Sarge's War feels like... One phrase came to mind when I was playing this game. And that's cognitive dissonance. Yeah. Because like... As you can see... Like, I think people tend to laugh at the cover. And I kind of get why. Because it's like... Yeah, it's like flames. And he's like holding two guns. And he's looking like a badass, right? Like it's fucking dead to rights. But it's a green plastic army man guy. Right? And then you look at the back.

[00:34:08] And the back is like, it's war. It's war. Yeah. Yeah. Here, I'll read the back. So... On the verge of the long-awaited peace between the green and the tan, rogue elements of the tan army draw Sarge and his men out into the field. Out in the field, Sarge discovers a new and diabolical enemy, Colonel Malice, equipped with weapons that threaten the very existence of the green nation. With his squad destroyed, Sarge becomes a one-man army out to stop Colonel Malice at all costs.

[00:34:37] Never count out a toy with nothing to lose. And this has a gritty world of toy-on-toy combat. You know, it's like, what the fuck is this trying to be? Right? Like... Well, you know what I also love... Like... Go ahead. You know what I love, too? The fact that the description in the back spoils the big surprise at the start of the game. It's like... Well, there goes the actually interesting story beat right off the bat. Yeah. And the story in this game is crazy because, like, as you see,

[00:35:05] it's trying to be all, like, brooding and edgy and serious. Right? It's like Bomberman X-0. But, like, a couple years prior... Well, it's goofier than Bomberman because at least it still has some of the soul from the old series. Like, it still has the silly stuff, right? Where it's like, oh, you're fighting in, like, sandcastles and all this other shit, right? But the game takes itself so seriously when the other ones didn't. That that's why I was getting, like, the cognitive dissonance. I'm like, this, like, doesn't really match.

[00:35:34] And I was trying to think of why. And the only things I could think of is by 2004, there were, like, two big... There was one really big, like, war story series and then one that was kind of up and coming that I think may have had an influence. The first one is Medal of Honor. Like, this was, like, 2004. This is sort of the peak of Medal of Honor's, like, popularity. So we had, like, Frontline, Rising Sun. I think it was Allied Assault on PC as well, which was really good.

[00:36:04] Like, Medal of Honor, like, those games are really good. They may have not aged the best compared to some other stuff, but they hold up and kind of represent, like, shooters at that time. And they were much more serious in trying to tell these, like, historical, like, war-type stories and have that sort of, like, taking themselves seriously. But there was another series that had debuted just the year prior to this, which some people think may have had an influence on it. And I think they might be right, and that is Call of Duty.

[00:36:33] The original Call of Duty came out on PC in 2003. Most people have not played Call of Duty 1. I have. It's all right. But that game also, like, the COD series is known for being, like, very kind of brooding, dark, serious war stories, right? Like, that's what it's trying to do. And I have a weird suspicion those two series made Army Men go, we need to stay relevant with the times and make something that's a little bit more serious. Like, I feel like this would have worked better as a first-person shooter.

[00:37:03] Yeah. But doing it as a first-person shooter kind of defeats the point of making them Army Men in the first place. Yeah. That's kind of the... That was the weird... This game is... The thing about this game that drives me nuts is, like, mechanically and, like, design-wise, it's easily the best of, like, the three are Sarge's Heroes games. But that's not saying a lot. No. No.

[00:37:30] My only experience is I played a bit of Sarge's Heroes 1 and 2 on the N64. And my memory of them was not very high. It wasn't very good. Like... I was like, they're cute and charming, but... Especially the N64 versions. They kind of controlled, like, butt. So... I mean, when we eventually get to them in the series, I will pick a much more functioning version and just play that instead. Dreamcast for the first game by far.

[00:37:58] Yeah, I'll probably hunt down a Dreamcast copy of Sarge's Heroes 1 and 2. I'll probably just emulate the PlayStation 2 copy or whatever and deal with it then. But... But, yeah, like... Yeah, like, the gameplay is... It's fine. Like, the right stick is way too goddamn sensitive. One thing I discovered right off the bat. The sticks... Technically, the right stick is for camera. But the left stick also wants to be the camera at times.

[00:38:25] It feels like it was made for a one analog stick console. Like, the way you move and, like, turn with your character, the camera is trying to keep itself behind you at all times. Which is fine. It's not bad. Like, the camera was never really an issue in that regard. But you're so used to having two sticks and the right stick moving your controller, right? Or moving your camera. And... But they made it so sensitive. Like, you just tap it and the thing fucking whips.

[00:38:54] And you cannot change the sensitivity. At all. So, half the time, I didn't even use the right stick because it was honestly... That's what made it more annoying than anything. And the control scheme was kind of weird. You know, maybe it's just I'm used to how, like, modern shooters control. But, like... A to shoot and then X to reload was weird. Like, that was an odd choice. For me, it was defaulted at B to reload. But I swapped it. There was a control scheme where you could swap X and B, and I did.

[00:39:23] And that made the game way more playable. And, like, Y being jump and, like, L to, like, auto lock. But then R is, like, a weird first-person aim. The control scheme was just very, like, weird and wacky. Because... Oh, wait a minute. I meant... You had it right. I have Nintendo brain, so I thought the... My buttons were reversed. Then it would have been Y. It would have been Y, then. Or, no, it would have been A. Because B is on the bottom and A is on the right.

[00:39:54] Yeah. So, it was... For me, it was B to fire and then X to... See, it was... X was to jump. B was to fire. Yeah. And then it originally had A as, like, your reload. And then X is, like, your crouch or whatever. I forgot. But I forgot those. Because I'm so used to B being... Or A, like, being crouch. You know? Like, I'm used to, like, the bottom button being jump. The right button being crouch. The left one being reload. And then, like, the other one just, like, switch your weapons or whatever. Right?

[00:40:24] Yeah. When I started... That's just how, like, modern first-person shooters go. Yeah. When I started it, it was B was fire and then X was reload. I'm like, that's just... That's no. That's kind of... But thankfully, they let you swap them. They do. So, this was the era where you couldn't change every button to be what you wanted it to be. But they would have various presets to try to accommodate for certain things. Which, honestly, I kind of like the presets.

[00:40:52] Because it's less work to be in, like, oh, what I want everything to be. But, yeah, like, the control scheme, I don't know. It just felt kind of weird. Even though, outside of that, I think Sarge's movement speed was fine. His jumps were fine. Yeah. I thought he was a little... The gunplay was trash. I think we can say that. So, Sarge, I thought he was a little twitchy, but everything else about him was fine. Yeah. The gunplay, want to talk about the lock-on? It sure locks on to things, it's just not what you wanted to lock on to.

[00:41:21] Oh, that lock-on. Like, it's the only way to, like, actually aim at things. But also, like, Sarge can't shoot for shit. Because you'll lock on to an enemy, and then you'll hold the fire button, and you'll see the bullets, like, spray everywhere. And it's like, dude, hit the fucking target. Like, I just played and beat Tomb Raider Legend today. And that's a really fun game. And it's the same kind of thing where you lock on with that, and then Lara will shoot her double pistols, and half the bullets miss. And it's like, what the fuck are you doing, right?

[00:41:48] But both games have the one thing, and that is if you get the shotgun, you can just run up on people and blast them. Oh, yeah. And that was the most fun I had playing Sarge's War, was when I had the shotgun, and then I would just run up on people and, like, just jump and, like, shoot them while I'm jumping. Like, that was the most fun. Because it reminded me of Doom. Because Doom is, like, it's most fun when you have the shotgun blasting shit. And this has that, which is super fun.

[00:42:15] See, with the rifle, I had just given up on the lock on because I'm like, oh, let's lock on. Oh, you're going to lock onto the wall. Okay. And the various rifles are so dumb. Because you have the carbine, which is unlimited ammo, that, like, you have to tap A to shoot it, but you can't mash A because it's, like, really slow. Yeah. Right? But then you get the assault rifle, which is not, like, an auto, but you can just mash A to have a sort of, like, semi-auto fire or whatever.

[00:42:43] But then you get the automatic rifle, which then allows you to hold A. And then by the end of the game, you get the heavy machine gun, which is just that but a little bit stronger. You know? Like, I don't know. It was strange in that regard. You know what a good tactic I found for certain levels? Just run past everything. Just fine. Certain things you could just run past them.

[00:43:06] Other things you couldn't, especially near the end of the game, like, especially when you got the flamethrower and there were, like, certain invisible, like, there was a specific enemy. They were invisible and they had a heavy machine gun. And the only thing that fucking killed them was a flamethrower. Like, the flamethrower is OP as shit in this game. Oh, yeah. You can just run up on things, hold it for, like, a second, and they'll just burn. Which, by the way, this game gets points docked because none of the plastic figures melt when you burn them. Not when you burn them. No fucking melting.

[00:43:36] They do. Did you jump in the acid bath just to see what happens? What acid bath? There's some telegraph traps in one level where it's, like, the floor opens and it's, like, a pool of acid. Oh, yeah. It's in the, when you're in the mines and you have to, like, blow up. Yeah, I never jumped in those. Like, what happens? Sarge fucking melts. It's, like, to death. And it's, like, what the fuck? Then why can't they melt when you burn them? Make any sense? Because Gold Star didn't care.

[00:44:05] And 3DO didn't care, apparently, either. Or they didn't get to it yet. Like, that was a big dock point for me, you know? You know what a notable, like, aesthetic thing is? This is the only Army Men game where the weapons are metal. But it doesn't fucking mean anything. It doesn't, but it's weird. Because every other game they were the same. They were, like, the green plastic. It's just a thing I notice and it throws me off. Because it's odd. It is. But, again, it doesn't amount to it.

[00:44:35] Again, it feels like it's trying to be, like, trying to take itself more seriously. But it ends up becoming more silly. You know what I mean? Especially when you have, like, those story cutscenes where, like, Sarge is, like, really up close to the mic being, like, war as hell. You may lose all your best friends and you don't know when, but you just gotta keep going on, man. I'm gonna destroy Colonel Malice and retake everything the Tan Army stole from me. Like, it's like, what the fuck? This isn't Brothers at Arms, dude.

[00:45:04] Like, again, cognitive dissonance. It just, it doesn't mix. And it's, like, it's kind of funny, but it also feels kind of sad. You know? Like, it's not so over the top that it's kind of very awesome. It just ends up being kind of pathetic. Especially because the game starts with this actually kind of cool. If you've been playing these games from the beginning, like, you're a psychopath who actually had every single one. You?

[00:45:32] I didn't own them all as a kid, but I played a lot of them. So, I knew them. I haven't, I've, I've owned a few, but I have not played them all either. I had the air attacks and the Sarge's Heroes, so I knew the story. If you followed this story the whole way through, when we get here, like, the whole, like, the game starts off actually really interesting. Because it's, like, spoiler warnings for a game that I guarantee no one gives a shit about. But I'm gonna put it up anyways. Because, um, story-wise, like, a game starts out where, like, there's a treaty.

[00:46:02] Like, an armistice going on between the Green Army and the Tan Army. Like, General Plastro, uh, the colonel, I forget his name right now. Um. Grim. Oh, yeah, Grim, because his daughter. Um, yeah, they, um, they're having this whole treaty, but there's, like, a group of, like, people who aren't happy with the treaty. Rogue Tan Division. Yep. And you have to go investigate them just to find out. And, like, Sarge is all happy. He's like, oh, I get to go dance with Vicky at the party. And it's like.

[00:46:30] I get to finally have sex with her. Even though I'm made of plastic. Um. Who cares? Um. Rub our nubs together. Yeah. I don't think it's. I'm not even gonna go too deep into that. Um. Talk about a portal runner, eh? Um. Um. Well. I won't go there. Um. But, yeah, he finds out that, oh, no.

[00:46:58] The, the, the armistice, there's, there's actually a bomb secretly there. And it's a trap. Uh. Which is. It's a trap. They blow up General Plastro as well, which is crazy. But, like, the bomb, like, legit kills. Everybody. Everybody's fucking dead. Yeah. Every character that you cared about in those previous games. Because they were fun. Like, the characters were all likable. Despite the games being kind of shit. Um. It had, it had sort of your, like. It had your sort of, like, stereotypical, like.

[00:47:28] Like, your heavy guy. Your demo guy. Your flamethrower guy. You know? Like, all those kind of, like. Kind of, like. Generic, like. Trope-y type of characters. But, like. You know? They're, they're kind of cute enough. And they're not, like. They're not annoying. You know? They work perfectly fine. For what they are. And, like. Vicky's, like. The only human one. For some reason. Has, like. Like. Human skin. Or whatever. Is, like. Tainted. Barbie doll. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Goon.

[00:47:58] Yeah. It's for the gooners. Um. This game contains no woke content. Well, no. They, they. They kill. They kill all that off right at the start. And then it's just fucking war after that. Yeah. And then it's just, like. This is, like. Sarge's, like. Blood. This is, like. His first blood. Like. He's fucking Rambo. Like. Going out. Just, like. Single-handedly. Like. Murdering everything. And, like. Blowing up tanks. And helicopters. And all this other shit. And it's, like. It's just not presented in a way that's engaging. No.

[00:48:28] Like. At all. I will say, though. That opening scene. Right after Vicky dies. Um. Yeah. Spoiler warning. Vicky. Straight up dead. Like. The character. Yeah. Like. Dead. The character in the series. She got her own game. You know. And was, like. You know. It was, like. They're Lara Croft. Not to go back to Tomb Raider. But, like. You know. I assume that's what they were trying to have. With this character. She's fucking dead. And it's, like. The lamest. Dying love confession. Where it's, like. It's, like.

[00:48:58] Could the acting be any more, like. Dramatic and half-assed. Oh, God. Days of our lives, man. I kind of loved it at the same time. I was, like. This is fucking amazing. See. That's the only bit. That's, like. Good. The rest of the story bits are just. Awful. Like. Especially the ending. When you, like. Fight Colonel Malice. And beat him. It is such a nothing ending. Oh. I'll look into that. You can tell by that point. It had moved to Global Star. And they just kind of, like. Eh. Let's just finish it. Get it out the door. Like. There's no satisfying conclusion to the story at all.

[00:49:28] I will say, though. Like. The scene. That scene. Where. Right when Vicky dies. Is actually a bit, like. Heartwarming. And, like. Kind of sad. And then Sarge goes on his fucking. Roid rage. Fucking, like. Ah. I'm Rambo. Yeah. Yeah. And there goes all seriousness. Right out the window. You know. It's like. That. Which. Star Trek. I think was in the darkness. When they do the whole Star Trek 2 thing. But instead it's Kirk who dies. And Spock. Who, like. Goes on, like.

[00:49:58] This weird, like. Manic phase. And just starts punching Khan in the face. It's that level of, like. What the fuck are we doing here, guys? Like. Yeah. What led us to this moment? You know. And it was really sad, too. Because, like. We go through the. The rest of the game. It's just Sarge. The rest of the game. Yeah. But there's, like. One random flashback. That. To an event that. None of the previous games ever mentioned. It was just a thing that happened. And there's, like. This one soldier that gets named.

[00:50:27] And then they all die. And the whole. And the second I saw that, like. Spoiler warning for the end of the game. But, like. I was like. That's. That's malice. Like. That's malice right there. Yeah. Yeah. It's like. It's so obvious. Why would they bring up this one random guy. And that has. No previous connection to anything. And then be like. Oh. He died. Surely that means nothing. Exactly. It's just. Yeah. I don't. I just. I don't know, man. Like. And, like. You know. Control wise.

[00:50:57] This is definitely the era where. Third person shooters had not been figured out yet. Yeah. At this point. First person shooters were basically figured out. Because, like. Halo is already a thing. And so most. FPSs were just kind of doing that. Right. And then, like. Call to do. And then Call to do 4. Kind of solidified it in a few years. But with third person shooters. We didn't have our, like. Resident Evil 4 wasn't a thing yet. Yeah. Gears of War wasn't a thing yet. So we didn't have. Those things. That sort of defined. What.

[00:51:27] Third person shooters would be. Or even. There's that one game. That it came out for. Xbox, PS2, and Gamecube. And is considered. Like. A forerunner. For what third person shooters would become. Yeah. It was called Kill Switch. Kill. Oh yeah. Yeah. It came out in late 03. And was kind of the first third person shooter. To sort of have that cover system. That like. Years of War took. Basically. And it even. I think even Cliff Buzinski. Sided Kill Switch. As a major influence on Gears of War. Um. And that's a game.

[00:51:57] I've played and beaten that game. And it is surprisingly. Modern for what it is. I mean. The cover. System definitely helps. I mean. It's still like a. A game from that era. But. Like. Like. That kind of like. Cover system. Which would help to define. Third person shooters. Going forward. Like. That just isn't here. And I think. I think it would help. You know. But. I don't know. What. Much you could do to save the game. Beyond that. You know what I mean. It's amazing to me. Once like.

[00:52:26] The over the shoulder. Like. For aiming perspective. When that was created. Legit. No games could go back. Like. That was like. Just. Yeah. It was going to be going forward. Like. What this game has. Is like. You're like. Character in the center of the screen. Behind the back. Type of like. Thing. Which. Thinking about it now. It's like. That's not a great angle. For third person shooters. Because your character is in the way. Yeah. Especially when you're trying to lock on and shoot shit. You're in the way the whole fucking time. So. When Resident Evil 4.

[00:52:55] Put your character over here. Or over here. So you could actually see everything. That changed the game. Right. Um. And. It would be weird. If like. Say this game. Got that treatment. If they're like. Let's. Let's try to make this like a Gears of War. But army men. Like it would probably be more playable. But I think people would be like. Like but this is still like army men. It's fucking weird. You know what I mean? I will say there was a couple levels. Like there was one level where like. Because one thing about this game that bugged me.

[00:53:24] Was like there wasn't like the classic like. Real world like settings anywhere. Like a lot of it. Or it was all very. Here and there. It was very tan. And very. Very. Gears of War. As I like to say. But not. Like yeah. Because it. Because it starts out with like this. Almost just kind of like a world war. Like a Medal of Honor. Multiplayer map essentially. Where you're like. You know. Going over bridges. And shooting tanks. And there's like planes that drop shit on you. Or whatever.

[00:53:54] But as the game goes on. It's like. Oh you go into like a kitchen. Or you're like. Fighting like. In like the back. Like. Places of like kitchens. Or whatever. I wanted to bring up the kitchen level. Because that has like one of my favorite. Little environmental things. Things. Where you can come across like. They have a toaster. And a toaster oven. Which I thought was an interesting choice. Yeah. They had both. Like right next to each other. Yeah. But like. You can go past the. The toaster oven. And you can see a bunch of tan guys in there. And you can actually pull the lever.

[00:54:23] And fucking just burn them to death. And I was like. Which I. Which I did. And it was. And Sarge like comments on it too. Hmm. There was. That was one of the moments. Where playing this. Where I was like. Okay. This is the army men. That I know. And. Nostalgically love. Yeah. Like. It has those moments. Where it feels like. The older Sarge's heroes. And more of what people associate. With the army men series. But like. Again. It's still. I'm like. This is supposed to be like. A serious. A serious. Story. And we're still doing these like. Weird jokey bits. Like. I just.

[00:54:54] But. But they're done with like. A little bit more grit. Like. I don't know man. It just. It just doesn't work. You know. Especially like. When the gameplay is so. Half baked. And. And the game's fairly short. I think it took me like. Six hours to beat it. Pretty. It's pretty quick. Especially if you played the way. I didn't just ran past. Most shit I could. Yeah. Certain things you cannot run past. Because. As. As like. The game goes on. When you start getting like. Armor. Like. The enemies can just. Mow your.

[00:55:24] Health down. Like. I. Like. The first half of the game. I don't think I died once. No. The first half is pathetically easy. And then the second half. They just start like. Giving you all these crazy. Difficult enemies. That like. You have to run up with like. A flamethrower to burn them. Or it'll put you in situations. Where it's like. Oh. You have to blow up this helicopter. But you can't peek around corners. Or find a good hiding spot to shoot it. Because it'll just shoot you back. So you just kind of have to. Perfectly line it up. And just mash your bazooka. And just pray to God. That you have more health. Than the helicopter does.

[00:55:54] Which is. Bad game design. You can tell. Because we needed that cover system. You know. Like say when like. A ghost recon advance warfighter. Does that shit. It's like. They tell you to like. Oh go hide behind that crate. And then pop out. And like. You know. Blow it up. Which makes more sense. You know. You can tell by the end. Clearly. You can see the spots. Where the game wasn't finished. And Gold Star. Just kind of. I mean. Gold. Global Star. Not Gold Star. Global Star. Just kind of.

[00:56:23] Hazardly threw it together. Yeah. Especially. Yeah. Because the ending. Everything feels pretty rushed. And that like. The story. It feels like. It just shrinks as it goes. Yeah. Because like. It starts out. And it has quite a bit of story and lore. But as the game progresses. You will go from like. Level to level. Or scene to scene. And like. Nothing really happens. You know. It's just. It starts being like. Oh I gotta go do this thing. I gotta go do that thing. Or whatever. And very rarely. You'll get a story cut scene. You know. Where it's like. They feel obligated. To throw one in real quick.

[00:56:54] So. Interesting. It's like. He beats Malice. And then that's it. Or I think it's like. He beats Malice. And then like. The whole. Go ahead. The whole reveal is like. He beats Malice. And then it's like. He takes his. Because Malice has this really dumb. Terminator. Like mask. Or whatever on. And. He pulls off the mask. And it's like. Surprise. Green face. Like what? Yeah. And then. I believe it's implied. That the. The characters.

[00:57:24] That were dead. In the. At the start of the game. Were only just like. Clones. Because I think it was this. Rogue tan division. Grabbed like. Molds. So they could just make. Their own armies. And so. It was implied. That like. They made clones. Of like Vicky. And all these other people. And then killed them. It's like. But why would you make clones. When you could just kill. The real ones. And why would you kill clones. To have Sarge go on this. Crazy bloodthirsty rampage. Only for. His friends to be fine. And it's like. Oh. We could have spared ourselves. Yeah. And I mean.

[00:57:54] Like it doesn't make any sense. No. It doesn't at all. It's. It ends on such a weird. Like. Like. Honestly. Like the ending. It feels like. It feels like. It was meant to have a sequel. And it never did. Or there was supposed to be. Like. Some sort of like. There was supposed to be. Maybe something more. Like. Maybe like. Malice wasn't actually the end. And then there was like. Something after. And it just never got finished. I think it was. 3DO. Was like.

[00:58:23] Maybe hoping that Sarge's War. And like. The Sarge's Hero series. Would become the Army Men series. And they could sort of coast on. Making these games. Every like. One to two years. Like keeping up the story. And slightly improving the gameplay. Kind of a thing. I think that's what they were kind of. Hoping to do. And it just wasn't going to happen. No. So Sarge's War kind of. Ends this on like. I guess a cliffhanger. But like. Nobody cares enough. To like. Go like. Oh. What happens next? Because.

[00:58:53] The games that follow it. Don't follow. This game at all. Because it was. There's what. Like two. Maybe three. Army Men games after this. And then. It's been dead ever since. There's two. Quote unquote. Official games. Because there's. Major Malfunction. And then there's. Toys. Toys of Misfortune. Or something. Or Soldiers. Yeah. Soldiers. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. Because.

[00:59:23] This game. I. I. Refer to this game. As like. 3DO's. Very sad. Swan song. Yeah. I think that's fair. Because the games. Past this. Don't involve them at all. No. But we'll talk about them anyways. But we will. Because I mean. They are related to 3DO. In a way. One thing I did. I did want to bring up. Because I found it very fascinating. Was like. This game. Did play with the whole fact. That they were. Plastic soldiers. At certain points.

[00:59:53] Like when a Sarge takes damage. Like just chunks of him. Will fly off. That was cool. I liked that. That was a nice little touch. And then. To heal. When you ever get his. Head blown off. Yeah. The head fly off. And you just run around. Without a head for a bit. That happened to me once. But I liked how. To like regain your health. When you would like. Kill tan people. You get like. Those little bits of plastic. And it's like. And I just like the idea of Sarge. Just taking them. And just like shoving them. Into his like. Empty crevices.

[01:00:24] And somehow. They turn green. Yeah. You know one interesting thing. I found that I was like. This. Actually kind of makes sense. When you think about it. If you headshot. Tan soldiers. It doesn't kill them. It just causes them. To start shooting. Randomly. Yeah. Because of their offense. Yeah. I like that. Like that's a clever idea. There's little touches in there. That are kind of nice. You know. And like. And the overall gameplay. Is very. Average. But you know.

[01:00:54] It's beatable. I beat it in one sitting. You know. The funniest part was. When I finished the game. My reaction was like. That wasn't the worst. Like I was just kind of like. I was like. I was expecting a lot worse. And when I finished. I'm like. That wasn't. I've. Like I've played worse. I didn't. I didn't get a dumpster fire. I didn't get like. An amazingly bad game. I just got. A very average game. I got. It was like. It was weird. Because there's. I'm like. Because when I was playing. I'm like.

[01:01:24] This is better. Technically. Than the previous two. Sarge's games. But at the same time. It's not. It's not as memorable. No. Not at all. It's. I think that the best way. I could describe this game. Is like. If you found it. At a. Doll. At like a retro store. For five bucks. Sure. Like. It's not going to kill you. It's. Basically. Yeah. When I finished it. I said to myself. That was the most. Five out of ten game. I've ever played.

[01:01:53] In my entire life. Yeah. Well right down the middle. You know. If I had to lean towards. It being like a five and a half. Or four and a half. I would lean to the five and a half. But. Not. Like. This game ain't a six. Can't do that. But like. It's just. It's very average. Incredibly average. And it like. The idea that 3DO thought this would like. Help keep them going. Is kind of sad. Honestly. I mean. They were. It's not the quality of game. That it needed to be. They were desperate.

[01:02:23] You can very much tell. That they were. Yes. Clearly in their dying. Days. Yeah. Let's just copy. What the. The hot. Shooters are doing. And maybe that'll work. When it's like. Like the army man name. Had already been kind of soiled at that point. Oh yeah. Because there have been so many games. That came out in such a short period of time. That nobody fucking cared. It just became all way too much. It's really sad too. Because like. When I finished this game. My whole thought was like. I'm like.

[01:02:53] That was an army man game. All right. Which is ironic. Because it's actually better than some of the. Other ones in the series. But that's. That's besides. Yeah. Probably what we'll do. When we finish all of these army man games. Is we might do like a separate tier list. For all of them. So that we can. Be like. We've played them all. Let's see where they all rank against each other. So it'll be curious to see where this one sits. Amongst. Because this is the only one I've beaten. But of the ones I've played.

[01:03:23] It's probably in the upper. It's probably in the good half. But it's not like the best one. Yeah. Like. Of the ones I've played. There's a clear number one. But. Same for me. The way I always kind of put it is like. This one is on the better side. But like. The gap from it to like. Say like air attack. Is like. It's a big gap. Like. It's not even. Yeah. Yeah. Like. It's bad when one of the better games in the series. Is like. Just a five. Yeah. Out of ten. You know.

[01:03:53] Honestly. When I go through this series. And think about it. There's only probably. Legitimately. Yeah. Maybe like three games. That I'd consider legitimately good. Three or four. Depends on your opinions. Yeah. And this one is not that legitimately good. This is like. If you're saying this one is good. You're scraping the bottom of the barrel. This one to me is good for. Army men's standards. Which aren't. For army men's standards. Yes. But it's probably. My guess is.

[01:04:23] We'll find out later. But I'd say this is probably the. The bottom tier of the good games. Yeah. It's probably the. The lowest game. In the series. I would. Kind of recommend. I kind of recommend it. Kind of. But it's. It's not a very strong one. Yeah. It's basically like. If. If somebody was like. Oh I'm curious. Is this. To this game. I'd be like. I'd be like. Here's my copy. Go play it. Let me know what you think. Don't spend money on it. Just let me know.

[01:04:54] Yes. I'm never playing this guy again. I might for a laugh. Just to watch that opening part. And then I'll probably. I won't finish it. The opening is great. I do love the opening still. The opening is. Kind of amazing. But. It goes downhill right after that. So I guess. Must play okay. Stay away. I'm gonna. Excuse me. I'm dying. I'm going to say. Sarge is going to avenge your death. Exactly.

[01:05:23] I'm gonna say. I'm not gonna say stay away. Because I don't think it's. It's like. We played much worse on this show. Oh yeah. I'm gonna say this is a hard okay. Like. Yeah. This is like the most okay. Okay. Of all of them. This is like a straight down the middle. Like middle of the road. Like. It's not good. But it's not offensively bad. It's just. It exists. Yeah. It's a straight up. 50.

[01:05:54] 0%. Yeah. No decimal. There's no decimal. It is just as 50% as it could get. Which I know in gaming review logic. That means it's bad. But no. It's like the most painfully average thing ever. I will say. Reception. Because a six. A six is somewhat good. You know what I mean? And this game is not somewhat good. It has somewhat good moments. But not enough to make it. A somewhat good game. Yeah. Like.

[01:06:25] Reception wise. Isn't very. So the Wikipedia page is hilarious for this game. Because it literally has nothing about the gameplay. And it's just. It has a nice deep plot synopsis though. It does. Which was very interesting to me. Like. Some. Some random fucker wrote that. You know. Some guy. Who's like. Way into the series. Wrote that. Or they stole it from the army men wiki. And just. Copy pasted it over here. There's an army men wiki. Why am I not surprised? There's a wiki for everything. Also. There's like no. Like.

[01:06:55] Citations here. References. Like. For anything in the story. So. There is. Oh no. There's one for. The Eurogamer review. That's okay. I see it now. I missed it. But yeah. Reception wise. It was. Generally rated as average. Or below average. Yeah. And that sounds about correct. I think I saw one. Because I like to watch other people's like. Thoughts on these games. Before we play them. Just for context. And like. I saw one review. That was like.

[01:07:24] It was clearly a guy. Who was doing the whole bit. Of all army men games are trash. Because he was just dumping on every aspect of it. But. Excuse me. He did make a pretty funny point. That it's like. It's amazing that 3DO could make an N64 game in 2004. And I was kind of like. Yeah. He's not. He's not too wrong. It has an N64 quality to it. It does. I can agree with that. It's like a slightly prettier N64 game. In terms of graphics. Like. Because the Xbox ain't doing much here. I'll tell you that.

[01:07:54] Yeah. Oh. Here's a interesting quote. From the army men. Wiki. On the Sarge's War page. It's under reception. It says. Fans of Sarge's Heroes. Are divided on whether or not. Sarge's War is canon or not. Citing the change in voice actors. The darker tone. The metalized weapons. And the continuity issues it has. If it were to be in the same universe as Sarge's Heroes. Some do consider it the canonical ending to the series. But others say RTS is the true finale.

[01:08:25] The idea that there's online debates about that. Really. Really. Gives me maybe a little bit of hope. I don't know. That we can still enjoy bullshit. I mean. We know how it ends. At least everything else. Is more positive. Yeah. I mean. Everything after this is laughable. But we don't have to talk about that. Because it's a different universe. So.

[01:08:54] But we will anyways. We will anyways. We'll cover. I actually have to get a copy of Soldiers of Misfortune. I don't actually own one. I'm just going to emulate the PS2 copy. I might find the Wii copy. Because I've heard it's horrendous. I mean. I've seen the Wii copy in stores. And every time I look at it. I go. That's not. That's not the army men. And I'm thinking of. And then you're like. It is. And then I go check. And I'm like. Oh no. Why?

[01:09:25] You know what's funny too. Is Global Star doesn't even exist anymore. They're. They're just. I think they got absorbed into Take-Two. And then. So these games are owned by Take-Two. Take-Two. As far as I know. Owns the army men series. If they kept that license. I. At this point. Who knows. I mean. It might be sitting there. Who knows. Because. I mean. There's a lot of. Series. That like. Oh. People own these. But like. Nobody does anything with them. Though to be fair. Some of the army men games.

[01:09:54] Are available on Steam. Hmm. The. Classic ones. Yeah. But my guess is. Whoever has that. Probably has all of them. Right. Probably just owns the IP. Most likely. And. 2K does show up. Like. If you go to any of the army men games. On Steam. And look at the trailers. It shows 2K. As like the publisher. Yeah. So they probably held on to it. Just to. Yeah. So they probably own all of them. And. They should have put Serger's War on Steam. Give me some achievements.

[01:10:26] Give me those Chivos. I'm probably the only human being. Who's ever asked. Does it have it for retro achievements? Oh. Let me check. That would be kind of funny. Retro achievements are awesome. In that. Some of them are kind of. Fucking nuts. In terms of certain things. They want you to do. And it's like. Oh. You guys are insane. Let's see. Army men. Come on.

[01:10:56] Load faster. Damn it. Damn you. There we go. Da da da da da da da da. Sarge's War. It does. It has achievement. For the PS2. And the GameCube. Those are the only two. For some reason. Here. Let me double check. Just to be sure. Let me just type in. Sarge's War. And see what happens. Oh. God damn it.

[01:11:26] Because I didn't have the apostrophe. Screw you. I hate that. Yeah. He owns this war. It's possessive. Da da da da da da da. Da da. Da da da da da da. Da da da. Yep. Just GameCube and PS2. For some god damn reason. I'm assuming they're still the same. Oh wait. Let me see. Oh. There are no achievements.

[01:11:56] Then why did it come up as it has achievements? But there aren't any. Oh. God damn it. That's just sad. Oh. Maybe it's not playable on the Xbox emulator. Excellent. Oh. Maybe. Maybe. I could check the compatibility. Let's check. Army men. Oh. It's listed as playable. Here's one fun little fact about this game. Here's an engine that'll bring back memories from your childhood. This game runs off renderware.

[01:12:26] Fucking renderware baby. When I saw that logo I went. Yeah. It's that era. Love it. Love me some renderware. Every game. Every game fucking ran off that back in the day. It was the unreal of its day. Okay. And then it got to. I think one game used it for like PS3 and 360 and they were like yeah this engine ain't shit anymore. I thought it was used for more than just one game from that era. It was like one or two. There was like. Because THQ I think owned it. Why the fuck does.

[01:12:55] EA owns it for some reason. Oh maybe EA. That's what I'm thinking. I'm like why the fuck does EA own renderware. It was probably cheap. They were like. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe my dumb ass brain. Whenever I hear renderware. My brain wants to say underwear. And go ha ha. I just remember it because it was always a Spongebob battle for Bikini Bottom. It would pop right up. Yep. It was the license game engine. Like the fairly odd parents game. Like all the Nickelodeon Cartoon Network games ran on renderware.

[01:13:26] Sonic. Sonic Heroes did because. No yes it does. Yes it does. Because Sega's custom game engine didn't work on PS2. And Sony threw a hissy bit. That's why the game runs like shit on PS2. Oh god yes it does. Sonic Heroes. But yeah. That's Army Man Sergeant's War. That's our first game in the Army Men series. How many Army Men games are there? A lot.

[01:13:57] Hold on. There is. I have the full list somewhere. Where is it? Say 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22. If you're not counting those mobile games. Yeah. So there's a handful. Yeah.

[01:14:27] And we're going to do them all. God damn it. We sure are. Speaking of that, I got to buy toys and space on Steam because I forgot that I don't own that one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See, I do look forward to the real time tactics ones for sure because those are the ones you can get on Steam. And I'm curious to how those games are really. So they were. They had to have been good enough to spawn a series. So. Yeah.

[01:14:57] Because, yeah, the only Army Men games that are available on Steam are, I believe, yeah, the first three real time tactics ones and RTS. That's those are the only ones like Sarge's Heroes, the air attacks. None of those are on there. Tragically, but thankfully those are easy enough to emulate. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Most of these games I'm going to emulate. So.

[01:15:26] That being said, though, what should we play next? Well. We should probably return to the console. Yeah. Trying to think. What? Oh. Oh, yeah. Let's just look at the list. Oh, you know what? We haven't done a game like this. Maybe we could do Myst.

[01:15:56] Yeah. Fuck it. Let's do Myst. Again, a game I'm not going to play on 3DO. No. I mean, I have the 3DO version. I could theoretically play that version. Yeah. There's like so many better. I'll just buy it on fucking Steam. There's so many better versions of it. Yeah. Because it's Myst and you're better off playing it on a fucking PC. Yeah. I'll play the 3DO version just to see how it plays on 3DO. And then I'll probably finish my playthrough on the other version.

[01:16:26] Good idea. Good idea. In fact, I had a. I got a thing. It might have been from Gog where Gog was like running a sale on the Myst games or something. So I'll look. I'll find it. I'll find a way to play it. But it's Myst. It's not like I can't. Yeah. There's like no place for me to play it. Like I'm not. I'm not stupid. Yeah. But yeah. So that was a pretty good episode. We actually talked about the game for fair. Good amount of episode for once. Well, as we were playing it, I'm like, oh, I'm talking about this one.

[01:16:56] I was I was just happy. Like we're finally like getting into like the post-mortem era of 3DO. The post-mortem era. There is some. There were some loose ends. That's awesome. That's awesome. Oh, there's definitely going to be a gravestone with the 3DO logo on it in the thumbnail. Like you're ready for that. But I can't wait. That being said, once again, guys, thanks for joining us on the 3DO experience.

[01:17:23] The 3DO experience can be found on all the major podcasting platforms, particularly Apple Podcasts and Spotify. And be sure to check us out over on the SuperPod Network. That is superpodnetwork.com. Awesome site. Tons of different podcasts, videos, blogs, and a whole bunch of awesome shows like Super Pod Saga, Super Ghost Radio, Retro Rehab, Tommy's Video Game Ride Along, a novel console, Bar Silence, Fine Time, the Elder Trolls Gaming Podcast, Remember 64, Gaming Together, Friday

[01:17:53] Night Gamecast, Gaming Collecting, the 3DO Experience, Geek Addicts, the Retro Wildlands, Press Speed to Cancel, the Pre-Order Bonus, and Retro Moe Reviews, I think is what Moe calls the show. I think so. Just Retro Moe. So. And as I said at the top of the show, make sure to listen to the newest novel console where it's the beginning of, I believe it's called The Solid Boys. So it's me, Chris, Eric from the Unlockables Podcast, and Keith from the Main Quest Podcast.

[01:18:23] We're going to be playing the entire Metal Gear series. So I think we're going to do like one game a month. Nice. So in February, we will be reviewing Metal Gear 1 for the MSX. So stay tuned for that. I'm going to start playing that either this week or next week. Are you guys going to do Snake's Revenge? No. Oh, man. Snake's Revenge is so stupid, but I kind of love it. I've never played it. I might play it just to check it out because probably when I finish Metal Gear 1 on MSX,

[01:18:53] I might play the NES version because I had the NES version in the episode I talked about. Like I had that in my NES collection. I played a good chunk of it. I never got super far, though. So I might play the MSX and the NES and like compare them. Yeah. And I guess another shout out. Check out the most recent episode of Gaming Together. I was on there with Nave and Phillip, and we talked about an MMO called Brighter Shores. It got wacky like most Gaming Together episodes do.

[01:19:22] But yeah. Anyways, guys, once again, thank you for joining us, and we'll see you all later. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. You're not playing on a 3DO system.