Three Thousand Years of Longing | The Back Room

[00:00:00] Hey everybody, it's your boy Dre real quick off the top here. We recorded this episode in April 2023.

[00:00:08] It is now 2024 so some of the references you might hear in this episode of like two last summer or

[00:00:17] last year we're actually talking about 2022 not 2023 because have how long it's been since

[00:00:24] you recorded this sorry it's taken so long to come out but I didn't intend to hold on to this for

[00:00:31] this long but just you know the schedule happened the way it happened we can't push it back push it

[00:00:35] back but we're finally gonna air this episode now i'm just putting us up front because I didn't want

[00:00:40] to go back and edit the episode of you know to make it sound current or whatever I'd rather just say

[00:00:45] this off the top so enjoy the 3000 years of longing

[00:00:51] you're coasting with fine time

[00:01:11] hello party people it's your boy Dre we're doing the movie thing again with my boy Steve

[00:01:22] okay look every time me i'm just longing over here look two things okay right off the bat one you

[00:01:35] can't deeply sigh every time we start to talk about a bad movie I mean you can if you want okay

[00:01:41] but like yeah I mean it's gonna be bad no matter what but but but this time I felt that didn't

[00:01:48] you feel the longing within this one in particular kind of but they didn't actually let us

[00:01:53] experience that it's too much I did but the longing is a very small part of this movie number two

[00:02:00] you assigned blame before I'd even before he even started you're I know you like to assign blame

[00:02:09] for these things and it's funnier that way it is funnier and this is my idea so you can

[00:02:15] assign blame to me well you were the one that said you know this let's look at this trailer

[00:02:22] then yeah we looked at the trailer and yeah we had to it's 3000 years of longing everybody

[00:02:30] George Miller's masterpiece this follow up to Mad Max Fury Road several years later

[00:02:37] not not to be confused with the equally tedious though longing you can buy on modern game platforms

[00:02:44] nobody knows what that is so this came out last summer at last August I'm not sure why they

[00:02:52] thought releasing such a movie in the middle of summer was a good idea competing with like Dr.

[00:02:57] Strange and shit like that but it's like hey why not because while all the guys were gonna go see

[00:03:02] Dr. Strange their girlfriends could say no I'm gonna go see 3000 years of longing that's the movie

[00:03:09] for me this was not the time for like our rated fairy tales at the movie theater I don't think any

[00:03:16] it well I mean there could be another time but this certainly wasn't it I don't know I think

[00:03:21] we need something that's not just superheroes and theaters oh my god are you gonna are you that guy

[00:03:27] we don't know Marvel movies no I'm not but it hasn't been great since COVID-19 right

[00:03:35] oh I mean yeah but nothing has even Marvel movies like virtually I mean I've only paid for a handful

[00:03:44] of movie tickets since post I keep saying the the the current COVID times really and you know

[00:03:52] I look on my phone at the see what my local guy is playing and half the time it reads like

[00:03:58] what Simpson's Joe Greiders would put in for movie posters 65 oh oh baby

[00:04:08] as of this recording I bet that's like just now exiting theaters even though it's been around for

[00:04:13] very short time sorry Adam Driver maybe you should do a Dracula movie like we said last year

[00:04:20] I kind of wish mr. Elba would do one too because did you see the poster for this one you got

[00:04:25] you got a very large edgers Elba like going behind standing crouching behind uh uh uh

[00:04:33] what the hell are you describing to me what the hell is going on I'm trying to describe

[00:04:38] the poster like it what's going on it's like are we are they doing it is a set is this the

[00:04:44] logging I'm like I don't know I don't remember it just look like he was wearing like a weird red

[00:04:49] hoodie or something I didn't even get the was supposed to be a whatever direct

[00:04:54] directed by George Miller let's let's let's go there because I don't understand like he'd

[00:04:59] want to do this I get it you don't want to keep making Mad Max fine but like I mean he even

[00:05:04] directed stuff did need do happy feet he's he's all over the place we can't just put Mad Max on him

[00:05:10] right I get it but like man why did you want to do this maybe that'll become a parent as we talk

[00:05:16] more about it but I mean the knee jerk reaction his work is work but you know I know this is a

[00:05:23] passion but he wanted to do this when he he was choosing between doing fury road or this first

[00:05:30] he said did he yes we'll get to that but this movie cost $60 million I have no idea how

[00:05:38] and it made 20 worldwide so boy I tell you what what a bomb that's that's kind of big

[00:05:46] you could have at least made close to your budget back at the box office which still wouldn't

[00:05:50] make you profitable but maybe on vaude and blu ray and stuff you could try to make some more money

[00:05:55] I think I think this might enjoy it like we just said it came out last year so it's a little too

[00:06:02] soon to tell but this is gonna enjoy some kind of weird after life I think I hope not because I don't

[00:06:09] ever want to pretend this game this this this movie is gonna you imagine a 3000 years of longing game

[00:06:15] I'm gonna because I mean if we're here in another decade and people online are going 3000 years of

[00:06:23] longing was pretty good actually I got a lot of here to point that to say what the fuck are you

[00:06:29] all talking about different movie than we saw so okay obviously it's very clear we didn't really

[00:06:37] like this movie but I thought there was a chance that we could so like because it generally got

[00:06:45] positive reception from critics not that that makes a movie good but you know it's people seem to

[00:06:50] like it for the most part and see but seeing that trailer both made us go oh no we are absolutely

[00:07:00] talking about this movie because it looks so bad but as bad as it looked I figured there could

[00:07:06] be a chance that it could accidentally like it because look it's interstellar and till the

[00:07:11] swenton is good and like any movie could be made to look bad with a trailer right so I thought

[00:07:18] like okay I didn't necessarily have hope that it would be good but I was willing to give it a chance

[00:07:24] despite how it looked on the surface that was a mistake oh well you know I saw the trailer too

[00:07:32] I'm like I somehow just knew this was gonna be bad even with even with our stars even with George

[00:07:38] Miller and you know what I figured the two of them maybe they'll bring us some silver linings along

[00:07:45] in the way but I mean he wasn't bad though it yourself it wasn't like he played the part like he

[00:07:54] was interesting he was an interesting character stuck in a really boring like story can we give it

[00:08:01] that I mean yes but to be I mean come on you know me we can't just say the actors here therefore

[00:08:10] the movie is good I'd never fucking well you we can we give credit to the thing that's actually

[00:08:15] good in the movie fine Jesus Christ before we should on it for the next hour however long this is

[00:08:22] look we both saw the same thing right we just saw all three of their names and a plaintiff's

[00:08:28] font they could ever see like opening credits and then the opening credits is just like the

[00:08:34] placeholder one like oh yeah we'll just go in here later and change it to what it's actually

[00:08:38] supposed to be and they never did it was deadly quiet too it was like it opened like an erotic

[00:08:45] thriller or something all they needed was like the blood dripping from a knife or something

[00:08:49] like that or from the letters or something like although we do get like the I don't know a very

[00:08:56] pretentious sounding opening right after that when uh miss went and goes my name is

[00:09:01] hallithea my story is true you're more likely to believe it if I tell it as a fairy tale

[00:09:09] I heard your eyes roll all the way from here I had to replay that several times because

[00:09:17] first I was trying to figure out how to spell this name the lady's name and then I'm like did

[00:09:22] she really just say the rest of that well okay I guess so and we know she's she's what let's

[00:09:28] talk about who she is she is she's a happy woman and she's because she's a single independent

[00:09:35] woman who don't need no man and we know this because she's a she is successful because she is the

[00:09:42] only one wearing pink in an Istanbul airport she heirazad airlines did you catch that

[00:09:50] no I didn't yeah we were in the not until I saw you catch it sheirazad airlines is like okay really

[00:09:58] I mean that's so uh whatever well why even talk about it and then she finds these people

[00:10:05] out of her colleagues and then this weird little troll man comes and like I don't know terrifies her

[00:10:11] and takes her luggage that didn't make okay so the troll takes her luggage the creepy guy at

[00:10:19] her lecture later makes her faint and like none of this is mentioned ever again I guess the whole

[00:10:25] point is to establish that she likes her she sees things and she thinks she just has an overactive

[00:10:31] imagination but this the short guy troll can be written off is a very unfortunate stereotype that

[00:10:39] okay maybe we don't shouldn't be making this anymore but there is this shemigabbi tense as god

[00:10:46] just sitting in this lecture about stories and whatever about stories and science just claworing

[00:10:53] menacingly at her and it never and they don't really bring it up there or ever again

[00:10:59] yeah she just faints and then she's like oh maybe you've been working too hard a bread ever and

[00:11:03] she goes back to her hotel so she can meet in your cell but like right oh no I guess they stop

[00:11:09] out she buys a lamp first somewhere yeah they like ye old Istanbul to pawn shop it has the lamp

[00:11:16] and it might be fake but it'll be a good story if it is and she's cleaning it with the electric

[00:11:22] toothbrush and that's not weird at all it awakens the genie and it's got this weird paper mishae

[00:11:29] hand sitting sitting in the room it looked like a it looked like a sex toy honestly it kind of

[00:11:35] looked like a didn't it if I can't be the only one who thought that I'm like a sex toy for giants

[00:11:41] maybe where like where would it go like maybe it maybe if it just what made what is it like a

[00:11:46] 50 person vibrator everybody hop on it wasn't that big it was like the size of like it was handheld

[00:11:54] I must be thinking of something else then there was like this giant hand that didn't look right

[00:12:01] I don't know what you're talking about maybe you saw the extended to like NC 17 cut or something

[00:12:06] I know what you're saying because then they go into the room and he's obviously large still but

[00:12:12] it's not as bad as this big hand who's large the genie he has plays by Idris Elba you know he's

[00:12:20] already came out of the bottle I missed that okay so he's out of the bottle yes Idris Elba is

[00:12:24] as big as this room because you know we genies are large and he's he speaks Greek and they do

[00:12:31] that they do all the nonsense and you know he eventually you know quickly uses television to learn

[00:12:39] the sort of learn advances of men catch up as it were and then he breaks out into a the best

[00:12:45] rendition of friend like me from Aladdin and I wish that was true that last part is not true

[00:12:50] how did he take Einstein out of the TV though that was weird magic he's a genie that's

[00:12:56] that's how a lot of this shit happens in the movie I like how he's like Einstein are you a

[00:13:02] witch who hasn't been a box like what the hell was that about

[00:13:07] like they they they rely on the whole a wizard did it but a genie but it's really a genie

[00:13:13] did it quite literally anything stupid that happens in this movie the genie did it and then

[00:13:18] speaking of stupid there's this mostly naked stranger and and Althea's hotel room and she just

[00:13:25] feels the need to quickly open up about an imaginary friend she had as a child I think this is

[00:13:31] already after he shrunk down to human size and appeared with chickpeas I think I think these things

[00:13:40] started happening one after the other but how did he get the chickpeas how how can how can how can

[00:13:46] he conjure food he's a genie this is what you concerned about but we want what they didn't come from

[00:13:53] anywhere he just comes from the other the bathroom or wherever the fucking other room is and like

[00:13:58] he has a bowl of chickpeas can we see him conjure them this movie cost $60 million you can come up with

[00:14:03] a poof yeah and I mean the poof was happening when she was reassuring the the very weird room service

[00:14:12] guy who was like with with the scotch egg on top they're like oh let me show you around who

[00:14:18] it wasn't being totally creepy at all another thing that doesn't go anywhere by the way yeah that

[00:14:23] just happens and that's forgotten about now all the imaginary friend thing too I guess it ties

[00:14:28] into her like whole active imagination thing but like I did we need to have that too I didn't really

[00:14:35] care I think that's the whole thing I think that's kind of the point what we're saying here a lot

[00:14:40] of these things that happened in this movie I'm just like well I don't care we got two hours to fill

[00:14:45] so not even I'm glad this movie wasn't that long holy shit yeah so like interest Elba starts

[00:14:52] telling this lengthy story about how he used to fuck the queen of sheba and like like the sheba right

[00:14:58] while in between her making booty calls to Solomon like going across a desert and you know what I mean

[00:15:03] because apparently like she came to him the history is wrong he didn't come to her she came to him

[00:15:10] the whole scene's a lot like there's a it's a it's a lot for not a lot of payoff it's very

[00:15:17] dreamlike visually but the whole thing feels very unsatisfying and maybe that's the point he's

[00:15:23] he's got he hasn't he's had a very unsatisfying existence and this is us watching it but I don't know

[00:15:29] maybe you're telling the story maybe embellish a bit to make it interesting for us at all

[00:15:34] you know what it reminds me of actually at this point as he's going through this long boring story

[00:15:41] let's say 80s movie it's about a mermaid they find a mermaid it reminds me of one of those one trick

[00:15:47] 80s movies where they just have like one thing and it serves no other purpose than to just be that

[00:15:54] thing here's a mermaid for 90 minutes okay let's put some ice in the bathtub for the mermaid okay

[00:16:01] and then that's like that's the whole movie you know I'm talking about like it has that like

[00:16:05] 80s energy to it that's like not desirable for viewers at home the movie Andrei is probably

[00:16:11] talking about his splash please do not add us in the comments about this movie you know

[00:16:17] okay maybe I don't remember what it's called but you know what I mean though right it just has that

[00:16:21] like very like yeah just a bunch of things that happen that don't really mean anything and then

[00:16:27] the credits roll hey we got to see the queen of sheba's tits though that was pretty good

[00:16:32] I guess oh my lord so here's a point we we're in 20 minutes in this movie now and I'm completely

[00:16:45] stumped as to what kind of movie that we're watching like is this a comedy that's falling flat

[00:16:51] is this a fantasy movie without like the adventure parts or something is this a love story

[00:16:57] I guess that's kind of what it is right I feel like I'm watching all the dialogue and lore of a movie

[00:17:02] like take John Carter and just have like the talking scenes and like that's what I'm kind of feel

[00:17:09] like I'm watching I'm just being told stuff and it's leading to like nowhere and nothing and I

[00:17:15] am just watching it's like okay well what's the point of all this I guess the point was two

[00:17:20] seconds of Queen Sheba's tits I mean after that okay I guess we should do the smart podcast movie

[00:17:27] thing for once in our lives and bring up that this is in fact based on the gym in the night and

[00:17:36] gales eye which is the titular segment of a book and short stories written in 1994 I did not

[00:17:43] read this I'm sure Andre did not read this either no but I know what that is I have not read that

[00:17:49] and without having read that I could already say that this story we're engaged in now very much

[00:17:57] resembles one thousand at one nights the very famous collection of tales which you know

[00:18:02] frame by the viseur's daughter staving off death at the hands of a misogynistic sultan by being

[00:18:08] really good at storytelling and that's kind of what this is he's stalling for time because

[00:18:14] all of the others I want to make wishes and and he's like really trying to convey that it'd be nice

[00:18:19] if she did and we're all sitting here like it would also be nice if these stories were good but

[00:18:26] we're all just kind of stuck I do like how you laid out the genie rules real fast I can't make a mortal

[00:18:32] I can't do this I can't you know what I mean I can't kill everybody I can't you know what I mean

[00:18:36] you got to be reasonable here like right away you said all that shit yeah that's I can't blame

[00:18:42] them for that even a laden did that in 1992 and you know even with all that she raises a good

[00:18:48] point of her own how you know all wishing is typically used in cautionary tales as you know maybe

[00:18:54] don't do that shit that's a very good point she makes but on the other hand if half naked

[00:19:00] it just elbow was telling me he can do whatever he wants for me you couldn't think of a few things

[00:19:06] you'd want after that oh I bet a lot of people could think of a few things they what

[00:19:12] I mean I guess she does kind of wish for exactly that eventually right but not before you know

[00:19:18] telling another story like how his bottle gets picked up from the red sea somehow and

[00:19:25] we reach Queen Shiba she she put how did he get into the bottle he got thrown into the red sea by

[00:19:32] the Queen Shiba wish this I forget it doesn't really fucking matter oh no it's stupid as fuck because

[00:19:39] a Solomon's Fockener and he's like waving his hands around while he's eavesdropping

[00:19:43] and he shrucks him in a bottle that way oh okay then he just ends up okay so he was in there for

[00:19:49] 2,500 years of these 3,000 years of longing he was at the bottom of the red sea and then like

[00:19:55] until until the Swenton is asking him like okay well what was it like in there like what do you

[00:19:59] I mean because you can't die you can't sleep so like what do you what do you do you know and it like

[00:20:03] could we have seen some of that like that would have been more interesting would it have

[00:20:08] 25,500 years of nothing at the bottom of the sea yeah but if you're not 2500 year but like

[00:20:14] I said some not 2500 years of it about like like five minutes that would be cool I mean

[00:20:20] you we got that hawk carrying it off didn't took wow because we need to be dramatic and George

[00:20:26] Miller or how about yeah or how about like a 2,000 year time lapse if you're getting rusted over

[00:20:31] like the sea level changing or I don't know whatever I don't know something like I know that sounds

[00:20:38] kind of basic but like I would have liked this if it wasn't just him telling her the stories and

[00:20:43] you're actually about Idris Elba as a character going through all the stuff instead of the

[00:20:49] construct of I'm telling a story in the modern day personally I think that would have been

[00:20:54] like more interesting I don't think it would have made it a great movie but would have made it

[00:20:58] a lot more coherent oh I would have liked for a lot of things to be coherent Andre you don't

[00:21:05] agree you don't think that would have made you don't think that would have made a better narrative

[00:21:09] I mean it would have made a better narrative but I mean we'd still have to deal with the rest

[00:21:14] of this movie wouldn't we yeah I'm not saying it would have been good but at least it would have

[00:21:18] been like you know anyway yeah at the bottom of the sea and he gets picked up by God knows what

[00:21:24] were were they Rome or I don't even remember Constantine Opal while while Rome is falling

[00:21:31] okay they were very weird about and specific about all of that because a concubine finds them

[00:21:38] and you know she wants she doesn't want Idris Elba asked she wants Prince As and

[00:21:45] oh oh oh boy she goes gets that booty she with that first wish and you know

[00:21:53] palace conspiracies and the sork fuck it up when her second wishes I want to get knocked up with

[00:21:58] the princess baby and when she doesn't use that especially when she doesn't use the third wish

[00:22:04] to you know live like there was this this other param lady concubine the sultan was liking

[00:22:11] better and she had plans that don't really go anywhere except well we better start killing this

[00:22:18] prince anyway I mean I guess Virginia is telling this shit second third hand anyways and so it's

[00:22:24] gonna be co-inc coherent that way but by the way I feel like this movie was not supposed to be him

[00:22:31] until the swit and talking at home tell room this has to be a constructor of the Rona right

[00:22:36] and had to be it's been a few weeks after when we're recording here but

[00:22:43] a little while ago Swindon decided she was done with masks and COVID protocols

[00:22:49] and I'm sure that had I don't have confirmation why she's suddenly feeling about this but

[00:22:56] I'm sure this movie had everything to do with it oh man I hate to cast aspersions but the people

[00:23:04] usually say that stuff aren't don't usually sign up for a movie where she's in love with a black

[00:23:08] man but you know hey what what can I say I'll leave that to someone else's imagination but

[00:23:15] just saying kermitsip and teagiff right here just I you know I'm right I mean no I know you're right

[00:23:24] that's why I found it confusing that she felt the need to make this statement like and it was

[00:23:28] like a public statement but yeah like this is just some fucking boring this has been a 30-minute therapy

[00:23:36] session on film basically for Id yourself it's just babbling about like every minute detail of his

[00:23:41] life I just don't fucking care man like but this is when it hit me for the movie but when I

[00:23:49] thought about this I was like oh wait this is the movie he's not gonna get to the point this is

[00:23:55] the point this is the movie and I was like oh man fuck I don't know why he took so long for me to

[00:24:03] sink in but we don't really make movies like that anywhere like we there's plenty of the

[00:24:12] TV shows that'll experiment with an anthology episode sometimes but it's clear we kind of

[00:24:20] just stabled this in for a movie out of necessity okay we gotta get to the quote unquote best part

[00:24:26] of the movie okay it is definitely when what isn't shortly after that finds where like she won't

[00:24:34] she won't wish herself back to life but then like 100 what is it like a hundred years later

[00:24:40] about a hundred years later there's two other brothers their princes they find the bottle

[00:24:46] but it's a whole ends up being a whole story about how the brothers don't do shit because they're

[00:24:51] pulled out of the room immediately the one salt the one brother becomes sultan and is running

[00:24:56] war campaigns and the younger brothers tasked with producing heirs and Andre he likes him big

[00:25:05] boy like he's a he's a he's a big boy and he likes him big that's all I can say man this is so

[00:25:13] this is so weird so like by the way first of all when he first comes on screen the first thing

[00:25:18] you see is his ass is why why was why was big dude just walking around with his whole last hanging out

[00:25:25] and then like two two of his hose or whatever like throw a robe around him afterwards

[00:25:30] like what was that then he was like looking back he was looking back at the camera like do I have to

[00:25:34] do this George Miller like I was getting shillian there and it's like we've done like 17 takes

[00:25:43] of my of my large ass can we like you know the cold it makes it smaller well he didn't have to show

[00:25:52] that like thankfully for him but um he yeah then he starts examining many plus size naked women with

[00:26:01] tassel I guess and why and like he's just sizing them all up oh which one am I gonna fuck today

[00:26:10] except like he doesn't really seem to do that he's just like they're all in there it's like 12 of

[00:26:15] them in the room and he's just kind of laying there and he's also like a bit slow they establish

[00:26:21] right away or they do which sorry no no say it no they do fairly quickly established that he's not

[00:26:28] all entirely there and I don't think he if I didn't know any better I would say he didn't actually

[00:26:34] fuck any of them once yeah I think he just like he just kept stocking this room with as many

[00:26:40] big booty ladies as he could find and I don't know we'll dice with them all day or patty cake

[00:26:48] I just suggest a patty cake what literally just playing patty cake all day I like what is he doing

[00:26:55] it was just so weird and they had like a people right so when his other sultan brother came

[00:27:00] there to visit him they just opened little people and there they all are you just look I guess

[00:27:04] there's no modesty back then huh they're they're all naked but you never catch them in any

[00:27:09] comp real other compromising position other than oh they're nude at least Solomon was fucking right

[00:27:15] this this Solomon was fucking this guy was not yeah big boy here was not and like why was his

[00:27:21] hand so like what I don't know when they called him over that was so weird I guess we don't want to

[00:27:30] know right but like why is there a people for orgy room how could I'm sorry how could a simple

[00:27:36] 10 like this produce a child did they just think like him locking him in a room with 12 of ladies

[00:27:41] of his choosing will just eventually he'll figure out what to do I mean it works for other people

[00:27:46] I imagine but he doesn't know how to fuck like but we established he's slow so he probably you

[00:27:53] know he's probably just having a good time in the most platonic way possible yeah that's all that's

[00:27:58] all he wants because we never not that we need to see any of them being pregnant or producing a

[00:28:03] child but we never do see it capping off this whole this whole big girl thing I think George Miller

[00:28:11] has a thing because if you remember in ma mechery road all the women who were being milked

[00:28:17] uh huh they're they they weren't small ladies I think I think George Miller has a has a thing

[00:28:25] I mean good for him I'm just saying everyone's got a type

[00:28:30] I mean it's it's his feet it's this quentin Tarotino feet thing right like he likes the

[00:28:36] I'm just I mean get down with your bad self George Miller he's what is he like 84 85 years old now

[00:28:42] and he's still making movies like good good for him yeah this is it's fine yeah I guess

[00:28:49] it's fine I guess that's what you got from me on this no I mean we are getting to the best part of

[00:28:56] the movie because I thought the older soldier was gonna die he doesn't he comes back he's but

[00:29:03] he might as well be he's dead inside he's drunk he's killing sooth sares except for one whose death

[00:29:08] profoundly affects him he was probably fucking him off screen more than more than younger brother

[00:29:14] was fucking any of the concubines and then he stumbles back to where he was when they were as a kid

[00:29:19] and you think oh this is where he's gonna find the lamp this is the point of the story except he

[00:29:24] can't open the door and he gives up so he just goes back and drinks himself to death oh boy yeah that

[00:29:31] was uh the end of no not the end but I'm really younger brother takes the throne and he appoints

[00:29:41] his one of the large cocky minds as governor sugar lump sugar lump I cannot believe your name was

[00:29:48] sugar lump and she goes into this abandoned room to bathe and she slips and cracks open

[00:29:57] the one tile that the lamp happens to be under of course she's very familiar with how these stories

[00:30:06] go so she's like no and she just tosses the bottle in the bottom of the ocean again

[00:30:13] best scene in the movie right best scene in the movie easy right oh yeah I can't fight you on

[00:30:20] there sits I'm deciding for you there's no deciding about this in a movie where a series of nothing

[00:30:28] is happening this this was the best of it yeah that was the only point where I was like oh shit

[00:30:33] I gotta see what happens next you know what I mean but yeah I like how swift she was with it she's

[00:30:37] like now fuck this I already know how this goes I wish I never met you by and chucks it and then

[00:30:43] like talk about the long build up to nothing for real um we're gonna take a break uh we're

[00:30:50] gonna see our big booty concubines real quick for a conjugal visit bureau back love you

[00:31:44] all right we're back how were your concubines mine were fine they said hi

[00:31:50] mine mine were longing for Idris Elba I don't know I just asked them how they were doing and

[00:31:57] they were longing and then you know me I try to be a nice sensitive guy so like I let them talk

[00:32:05] their feelings at me for over the course of a few minutes they each told me a story about how

[00:32:11] their day was and now we're back here doesn't that sound like a fun premise for a movie yeah it

[00:32:19] sounds great sounds great ship it ship it George Miller um yeah speaking to George Miller midway through

[00:32:26] like this last scene we were just talking about before break I had to know what George Miller was

[00:32:32] thinking I had to because at this point this movie was pissing me off it was boring yeah I had

[00:32:38] sugar lump was fun but what but that was it by the way should we have mentioned sugar lump was

[00:32:42] naked the entire time she was not wearing a single cloth this entire appearance okay she was

[00:32:48] the only one with a name but I don't think any of them were wearing clothes anything that resembled

[00:32:52] clothing no not even close well because you know actually before we were talking about this um

[00:32:59] watching this I was like why is this rated R it just seems like a weird little like

[00:33:04] you know what I mean I didn't I didn't know how rare is it though that a movie is rated R

[00:33:17] literally just for nudity there's no the reason there's no violet I mean there is my left

[00:33:24] but why do you think there's no violet there's very little violence and very brief and you don't

[00:33:31] really see it right and like that's it just nudity it's incredible and bad sex um but

[00:33:40] midway through this this last scene I had to know what George Miller was thinking so

[00:33:44] I went scouring the internet at this point for quotes from him on this turn of a movie and I found

[00:33:50] one quote I'll just read it verbatim I'm sorry I don't remember what is from I think it found

[00:33:54] it from variety or something because there are just small publication that needs our big ups

[00:34:00] I'm in there variety I quote it's a conversation between two people in a hotel room

[00:34:07] but it spans three thousand years it also deals with the basic question of what is real and what

[00:34:12] is not what is desire and what is contentment what is love how do you define love what are the

[00:34:18] gestures that make it clear to you that there is love one of the characters is mortal in the

[00:34:23] other character can live indefinitely what are narratives what's the connection between mythos

[00:34:28] and science she explains it mythos is what we knew back then science is what we know so far

[00:34:34] they are part of a continuum all those things were inherent in the story and I couldn't let it go

[00:34:42] dude look I hear you know what go ahead go ahead okay we first off we know that last part because

[00:34:50] they emphasized it a lot in that lecture where uh shema gory god shows up

[00:34:57] is never mentioned again yeah and is never mentioned again like like that's what she's talking about

[00:35:01] like you really needed to tell us what was in the movie to explain why we're in the movie

[00:35:08] I get that I get all these things from the movie though everything he's talking about is in the movie

[00:35:14] so it's not bullshit it's just that like you told it in the most boring way possible I mean

[00:35:21] I think he's technically not lying it certainly felt like it's banned three thousand years in real life

[00:35:28] I'm so glad this movie wasn't long and oh my god and and and I would and he says he couldn't

[00:35:34] let it go and I wish some of it was you know why he's still telling stories that go nowhere Andre

[00:35:40] right but if you're gonna tell stories stories that go nowhere make it mad max

[00:35:48] like come on somebody somebody stab a guy I mean Jesus Christ none of this off screen the princess dead

[00:35:58] bullshit yeah like you already rated Ari mice will add some action to it I mean geez after

[00:36:05] because after trying to gain this system and for a few seconds like I want to eat this coffee

[00:36:12] I want to eat this cookie I want to drink this coffee and like you know she tries that bullshit

[00:36:16] that doesn't that obviously doesn't work and then she accidentally utters that she sort of wish

[00:36:21] she didn't never met him and which is weird because it's enough to break the bottle a little bit but

[00:36:27] not enough to actually do the witch and that's our leading to the next story about another lady who

[00:36:35] is totally not an analog for Leonardo da Vinci you know but they mentioned Da Vinci in this

[00:36:44] in this thing right but yeah I guess she's just female Da Vinci I guess with her with her husband

[00:36:51] that gives her the worst sex ever I mean she uses her wishes for knowledge which she uses to make

[00:36:59] bottles that's a good thing to do with knowledge and I guess yeah as I just mentioned there is a husband

[00:37:07] he doesn't fuck her very well and but really you don't need who needs sex when you have math she's

[00:37:12] really good at math but she said a wrote I'm sorry what I was just gonna say do you do what about

[00:37:18] the scene we're literally they're having set they show them having sex or two seconds where she

[00:37:22] just literally is bored sorry the camera while he just thrusts like very like shittily behind her

[00:37:29] and that's it he's doing his best at 87 yeah but she's just like so like can he just be done like I'm

[00:37:36] over it and I mean she is over it because she's hit this roadblock with this super math formula

[00:37:44] so she wishes to dream well awake or see as Jin do and this eventually pans out into carrying his

[00:37:53] child this is when Alba starts participating in you know minor domestic abuse by saying no don't

[00:38:00] make that third wish to make me go away and then she does make the wish to say she forget she ever

[00:38:08] met him and that doesn't count as that wish he needs to make to free him because then's the rules

[00:38:15] unlike other things where the third wish will set the genie free but the movie needs to keep

[00:38:20] happening I guess all of that was just so I mean like I actually thought this was the best

[00:38:28] story if you will in my opinion it was the most interesting one because it was actually about what

[00:38:36] George Miller is trying to say this is about it's about love this should have just been a love story

[00:38:41] I didn't need all the other bullshit it should have just literally been about the women and all

[00:38:47] this like he was he was in love with her has been involved with over time like we joke we just want

[00:38:52] to see like you know just tell us about it's just so fucking honestly that should have just been

[00:38:57] the movie I mean there are different kinds of love Andre and we that's what we saw throughout

[00:39:02] the movie you know it gets more abstract along the way with the big booties in the third story but

[00:39:07] you know all of his valid you know something just occurred to me that fuck fuck you first of all

[00:39:14] something just occurred to me when I was watching this scene when till the Swinton was telling

[00:39:21] Idris Elba about her first husband before she like neatly put that entire part of her life in a

[00:39:27] box in her basement because literally it's what she did and wrote his name on it and it was like a

[00:39:32] book almost like a scrapbook was there like a baby name there was she like prego at some point

[00:39:39] and that she's like well and then it all went away or something like that and then like that

[00:39:43] wasn't really mentioned anymore like was that am I crazy or am I making that up I don't know maybe

[00:39:48] that did happen or maybe I was checking out or maybe your brain was just trying to create a better

[00:39:54] movie than the one that was happening around around us maybe I could have sworn like that's

[00:40:01] that's weird I don't know maybe I made that shut up anyway I get this she finally what more than

[00:40:07] an hour in she finally makes a wish yes she wants to love him and she and for him to love her back

[00:40:16] she wants to feel the logging Andre the three thousand years of it even though they just met a few

[00:40:24] hours ago she wants this and so he whisks her away into the lamp for something that might have

[00:40:34] passed as a hot scene in the 70s I don't think it would have just like it and then secondly remember

[00:40:42] the last year we watched Dracula 1979 remember the love making slash turning scene from that with

[00:40:48] the lights just so in the strobe and the you know the whole bit you needed a dramatic scene like

[00:40:54] that I think when they finally got together not just like oh they're misty and inside of the lamp

[00:40:59] I guess well they barbed the smoke machine from 1979 Dracula that's the that's the that's the

[00:41:05] carol on that that's where the smoke came from the smoke in that movie was fucking excellent both

[00:41:10] those move 92 and 79 great smoke I just this this is nice I'm not gonna lie like them being in love

[00:41:20] they're you know they've poured their hardass to each other yeah it was boring for an hour but like

[00:41:25] this stuff it's like I just said it should have just been a love story like them having a

[00:41:31] relationship they maybe they maybe the movie should have started at the end her at the park him

[00:41:37] coming to see her you know for his you know is once in a while visit or something so the whole movie

[00:41:44] they get to be in love and then you can tell the rest of the stories about his life along the way

[00:41:50] right I don't know why he keeps trying to fix this movie it doesn't deserve my

[00:41:56] my attention if you need some help with your next move give us a call yeah give us a call

[00:42:02] George Miller because we know what we're doing not not you the director of the best action movie

[00:42:07] of the last the last 10 years and Mad Maxery wrote now and I we know what we're doing okay

[00:42:14] shut up

[00:42:18] the Da Vinci analog girl had like the same leg shake member uh told us when did she was kind of

[00:42:24] tapping her foot or whatever while on the airplane and writing or whatever the Da Vinci girl did

[00:42:29] the same thing remember they zoomed in on the queen of shiba having that gulp or whatever when

[00:42:33] Solomon came along and then she they did the same thing with till the Swinton or they're trying to

[00:42:39] say it's all connected or something or like the junior just has a thing for gals with nervous

[00:42:45] texts what do you want

[00:42:52] oh if if we're actually that then would have been more interesting oh my god

[00:42:58] I wish it was more interesting because what did you did you did you notice this like in my

[00:43:02] I'm not crazy right no okay I didn't notice that but I believe you it absolutely well don't

[00:43:09] sure remember on the queen of shiba gulp it was such a it was such a like yeah no I noticed those

[00:43:14] things but I didn't put them together it was weird I don't know why the I don't know what he was

[00:43:19] trying to say with that but whatever I guess maybe he was trying to say like she was those people

[00:43:26] in a previous life I don't know I think you're I think you're trying to give the movie too much credit

[00:43:32] again I get again I keep trying to fix this fucking movie anyway so okay you because you want to

[00:43:37] why I think you're giving the movie too much credit of ball or trying to anyway because I would have

[00:43:43] been done right about here where she's trying to go home now at locals airport securities picking up

[00:43:49] the bottle and they're putting it through the x-ray and we're supposed to feel back because this

[00:43:53] might have almost killed him because electro magnets are some bullshit they really they they

[00:43:59] graze this over briefly early on but don't really we don't have enough information for us to go

[00:44:05] oh no he might be dead now yeah electro magnet that was that was that was a thing now that you

[00:44:12] mentioned that I completely forgot about that but like anyway yet but she's freaking out about

[00:44:17] that and like they may as well not even had that scene we because they didn't we didn't even see

[00:44:23] her quote unquote put him into the bottle so it's like I didn't really understand that that was

[00:44:28] the point of that scene like yes I was supposed to infer that but I I didn't really get it until

[00:44:33] it was almost over see and this is where my brain felt like maybe the movie should have just ended

[00:44:38] here because I'm I'm checked out because I feel like the natural structure of the movie as

[00:44:45] presented not the one that you're trying to make was he tells the stories they get together

[00:44:54] or they don't and but then either way that should have been the end of this not what happens now

[00:45:00] because everything that happens now feels like oh shit we got a pat out this runtime because see

[00:45:05] but unfortunately I think this stuff is the best part to the movie them just being a couple

[00:45:12] okay but we waited a long time to get here exactly which is why I'm saying that should have been

[00:45:18] the fucking movie that's my whole point that was my whole point is saying that but anyway

[00:45:24] they got what happens Andre what happens after they they got home I gotta I gotta take this part

[00:45:28] so they're new home they get back to London he's in her backyard patio shirtless and being rained

[00:45:34] on because as Idris Elba is one to do when you when you have a Idris Elba and then her incredibly racist

[00:45:41] neighbors start nosing in from the other from the other building on the second four like saying

[00:45:47] like how you know blah blah blah you know she's sheep belong on land and fish belong on the sea

[00:45:53] and whatever like you know very racist shit and she's telling the fuck off one of those racist

[00:45:59] ladies calls told us what enough fuck face which is like the only cuss in the whole movie I don't

[00:46:04] even think they actually saw Elba stand in there I think he was hiding himself and they were just

[00:46:09] being racist because oh it's the story lady what what yeah no yeah that I don't think they saw him

[00:46:16] I'm just saying they were being they they were being racist because they saw him they were just

[00:46:20] being racist those like oh it's a good day to be racist then like and why are they living in

[00:46:26] London like one of the worlds like most populated and like worldly cities shouldn't you just go out

[00:46:31] to your lily white countryside like cottage like white people in America moved to the suburbs you

[00:46:36] know what I mean like go go somewhere else why are you in London because they're grandfathered into

[00:46:40] that very expensive flat they bought and if they move now it'll be too expensive yeah but then

[00:46:47] like Idris Elba are conjures more chickpeas off screen that we still don't get to see and then she

[00:46:52] takes them over to the bigots next door and then like and Idris Elba's error she introduces them

[00:46:57] and they just look at him like oh boy like the looks on their faces were like I mean it's an

[00:47:04] appropriate reaction I mean look if Idris Elba came to my door and saying you know what can you do

[00:47:10] and brought you chickpeas yeah I mean yeah we are disappointed though we did we were asking each

[00:47:19] other as we are I was gonna be often do is Idris Elba or Twittil to Swinton going to say fuck

[00:47:24] and neither of them did yeah I was hoping for one of each can how did this movie cost $60 million

[00:47:33] how none of those flashbacks were looked that expensive have you tried buying enough chickpeas for

[00:47:39] Twittil is went in and just all the during a pandemic no I have not $60 million worth

[00:47:49] they're all doing those movies attacks right off the whole budget went to chickpeas

[00:47:56] let's wrap this up so what Twittil to Swinton teaches her course you know

[00:48:03] Idris Elba wanders earth and then eventually she comes home one day

[00:48:07] she finds him in the basement like withering away and she's not speaking so she uses her second wish

[00:48:12] I wish you to speak to me which kind of brings him back to life and then of course all the

[00:48:16] electro magnetic stuff all the technology in the world nowadays satellites and radio waves and all

[00:48:21] the stuff it's killing him as a as a gen it's not his world so he's not used to it it's it's

[00:48:26] literally killing him so she uses his third wish to say I want you to be free or whatever I don't

[00:48:33] know what the exactly the phrase it like that she's like I wish you to go back to where you belong

[00:48:37] because she knows they can't coexist and and then that world I guess she's trying to make sure

[00:48:42] it's absolutely clear that he needs to go back he needs to do what he needs to do to be better

[00:48:49] she's trying she's trying to be noble I guess and then three years later you know or something

[00:48:53] like that she's like at the park scooping her notebook and then she's she's he's coming up the hill

[00:48:58] of the park she sees him in the distance and they go off somewhere so and then there's an ending

[00:49:02] narration by her she comes to see me ever so often and Bob the block so that's their that's

[00:49:07] the relationship you know okay so I'm sorry do you like how she purposely flips to the beginning

[00:49:15] of the book so we could see that it's called three thousand years of logging oh my fucking god

[00:49:21] there was no reason for her to do that other than for whoever might have a camera nearby to see it

[00:49:26] I mean they may as well have just said before they went back to London she may as well just said

[00:49:31] to him wow it just that sounds like three thousand years of longing you went through

[00:49:38] also it just helped us got game because they're they're walking away together and he's like

[00:49:45] making this impossible stride with the basketball oh the he the soccer ball he kicks it off the

[00:49:50] he's soccer ball yeah zero remember we don't play no god damn basketball look at me trying to make

[00:49:56] a movie that would have been the American version look I'm gonna say it again this is nice

[00:50:05] I actually really enjoy their relationship and singing them in love I I really do but again

[00:50:11] I'm gonna say it for a 14th half-thirth time that should have just been the fucking movie I can't

[00:50:17] remember the last time I've seen a movie and as abruptly as it did because it ends right after this

[00:50:24] but it also felt like it should have ended much sooner yeah it's weird right because it should have

[00:50:29] been like this should be over and then when they get back to London that's like what 15 minutes of the

[00:50:34] movie so it's like it's it's pretty much over by the time they start doing that shit I guess there's

[00:50:39] not a whole lot to tell the boy was I'm telling stories but then like why tack this on at the end

[00:50:44] it's weird anyway look in conclusion I guess we say it all the time and I'll say it again

[00:50:50] 3000 years of longing it's the worst thing a movie can be it's boring

[00:50:55] movies can be bad and like interesting like Jupiter ascending right that's a very interesting

[00:51:01] bad movie it's probably a worse movie than 3000 years of longing but it's more interesting

[00:51:07] yes this sucks in a way that makes it not hard to talk about but just so forgettable I get what

[00:51:14] George Miller was trying to do I do I don't think he was full of shit I just it just didn't work

[00:51:19] this wasn't it it definitely wasn't it but the movie does have a 71% on rotten tomatoes

[00:51:29] but before we did cobbler up some reviews for you but hold on hold on hold on but what's your

[00:51:36] what's your what's your overall assessment here it's completely irredeemable boring what yeah

[00:51:44] no never again not even the one I wish I could I wish I never saw this movie unfortunately we

[00:51:51] don't have three wishes or even one nuts but yeah 71% on rotten tomatoes but like I said that's

[00:51:59] the reason why I thought okay maybe despite accidentally be good but it was not but that means

[00:52:05] that means a fair amount of people like this movie which we cannot fathom before we get into

[00:52:10] the reviews and we did find a few I need to bring up this story that I found on the Wikipedia

[00:52:17] and then research to make sure whether this actually happened or now this had a premiere at a

[00:52:24] Kansfeld Festival on May 20th last year and apparently it received a six minute standing ovation

[00:52:33] what there is no reason did we see the same movie because the only reason I could

[00:52:40] imagine this was because this was like the first this must have been the first movie people have

[00:52:44] seen since covid happened six minutes is this one of those movies that's like popular in Europe

[00:52:53] and we're just like fuck this shit but I guess it wasn't popular anywhere because it bombed but

[00:52:57] that doesn't mean that did I'll just show up in a cod piece and nothing else I mean I would

[00:53:02] just stood in plod if for that I can't imagine yeah but you're right we're you just covid

[00:53:10] we all have sort of grown up rain anyway six minutes read a few blurbs for me so I can so I can

[00:53:17] groan all right well I got a mix of good and bad although you can debate whether one of them

[00:53:22] it really is as good as it is three thousand years of longing doesn't realize its romantic fantasy

[00:53:29] is a horror story christie pushko of mashable says actually they do they did he George Miller does

[00:53:36] realize that I feel like he does they're not presenting it as like a romcom or something

[00:53:43] it's presented I mean it's called three thousand years of longing he does present the longing

[00:53:49] he's sure fucking does so I don't really agree with that one but visually rich and thematically

[00:53:56] dense three thousand years of longing uses on romance and possession as well as the slow death

[00:54:01] of mythology and folklore at the hands of science and capitalism says dillard the wrath of observer

[00:54:07] Dylan fuck off like what are you talking about did you also have roenoprene watching this

[00:54:15] that's a load of crap Steve come on here I think we have a bit of a backhanded compliment

[00:54:21] Miller asks the audience to level up its existential exploration posing questions about

[00:54:27] the purpose of storytelling but the film doesn't offer any concrete answers leaving us adrift

[00:54:32] in a sea of provocative queries I don't think the queries are provocative Katie Walsh of the

[00:54:37] Tribune News new service that I don't think they're not provocative they just made me go like well

[00:54:42] I don't care I think this was the I think she was being nice she was saying what we were but nicer

[00:54:52] yeah I have a lot of questions about the purpose of George Miller storytelling I'll tell you that much

[00:54:58] but okay we have one more here that I think nails it

[00:55:03] three thousand years of longing actually ends on a creative high note but the path to that

[00:55:07] conclusion is filled with muddled adventures that play like something out of a 1980s B movie

[00:55:12] we find ourselves longing for the credits to roll so says Richard rooper yes that rooper of Chicago

[00:55:20] sometimes nailed it rooper nailed it that's perfect isn't it yeah I sure was longing for this to

[00:55:29] fucking end no but like 90 1980s B movie that's why it was reminding me of splash or whatever you

[00:55:36] said it was called yes it was all it was all the boring 19 days B movies not only the fun ones

[00:55:43] and people people consider splash one of the fun ones I don't know I'm shitting on splash

[00:55:47] so much right now I just I just somewhere my brain went join us this summer when we talk about

[00:55:52] splash I'm never watching that movie again I've seen it so many times I'm fucking like USA or

[00:55:59] I was on TV for a while oh my god it would show it so much he's also right it actually ends on

[00:56:09] a creative high note that's also that's also I feel about the movie then last the last part is

[00:56:14] the best part I agree with you but again we took forever to get here and if but by again I was

[00:56:20] checked out long before that so was I but at least we got like a decent ish like last part because

[00:56:27] otherwise it'd be coming on here being like this is one of the worst pieces of shit I think we

[00:56:30] watch for this show that that last part kind of redeemed a lot of it not a lot of it I just saying

[00:56:36] it brings it out of the complete seller yeah but not enough to say you should watch it oh I would

[00:56:42] never recommend this anybody unless you really like a certain type of female body type which you

[00:56:51] know good for you but no judge me yeah no judge but I'm just saying I don't think I'd be watching

[00:56:56] that just for this but if you like that I'm still going with no yeah this is a big old no okay

[00:57:04] again I say this after we watch every anything bad but maybe we can watch something better next time

[00:57:10] I wish we could watch something better next time also I wish you would everyone listening

[00:57:15] would tell their friends to sub to find time podcast on your pod catcher and then and then I wish

[00:57:20] you just kept listening to all the episodes you think they bought it I don't know we'll see

[00:57:28] we'll see if the numbers tick up after we air this can I everybody