RETRO REHAB #1 - Top 3 Consoles Ever. Period. (For Now)

[00:00:00] Alright, let's hit this theme and get this fucking rolling.

[00:00:06] Rolling.

[00:00:08] As Mr. Durst would say, keep on rolling baby.

[00:01:24] by the way, is a podcast that goes over everything, modern retro, old retro, just retro in general,

[00:01:27] with like some lighthearted takes.

[00:01:30] We're gonna go over curated lists and hidden gems,

[00:01:35] all kinds of cool stuff.

[00:01:38] But before we get into our topic,

[00:01:41] there's a little bit of news from the future I hear.

[00:02:49] They have like, I think they're the ones that have like all the records and stuff for like the high scores for like world games and like all the world records and shit. He was banned from there because there was evidence brought to light a few years back that he was using MAME for that Donkey Kong score that he got.

[00:02:59] But as of recently, his scores have been reinstated.

[00:03:04] But who cares? live on location reporting, but I want it to look really dramatic. It's an hour and 13 minutes away from me. It's probably three days away from me. We can, we can meet up. We can, I'll be there with Billy Bitchill or whatever his name is. Be like, Billy, Billy, I have it on record that you got perfect high scores and then

[00:04:23] cheated.

[00:04:24] But I mean, whatever I don't fucking care. an edition yeah I know helpers I know fucking scalpers scalp so for an analog pocket sorry continue fool me once all right well Aaron what is the topic today

[00:05:40] on episode one of Retro Rehab on episode one we're talking about our three You hear all pumpkin night. Oh yeah, that would, yeah. Well, let's say that for another time. Yeah. The other three. The other three. Well, let's kick this off. So, I guess we could probably list, we'll go back and forth, I guess.

[00:07:00] It's probably the best way to do it.

[00:07:03] Like console for console and kind of talk about, Canada Dragons Den Is it that's right yeah, that's the thing we don't we don't be sure we got we got dragons den That's still pretty fucking cool is it's like a simple. No, it couldn't be the same. Yeah, there's there's some overlap there I think there's a I think there might be like one or two people that overlap But that's pretty that's pretty fucking sweet. Okay. Okay. Let's take a cool name

[00:08:24] We'll pitch it to both you can come to Canada. We'll pitch it to Dragons Den

[00:09:21] first actual console.

[00:09:27] I mean, my first video game thing that I ever owned was a Game Boy, like the actual like old,

[00:09:30] the bad brick, yeah, the brick Game Boy.

[00:09:33] That was the first one.

[00:09:35] But the first console I ever got was Super Nintendo.

[00:09:37] And it was funny because I used to go to my friend's house

[00:09:40] across the street and he had a Nintendo,

[00:09:42] like regular Nintendo.

[00:09:43] And I also, side note, I don't know about you, going. Nevermind. We're good. This is good. This is better. This is way better than Andrews. Andrews can fuck off. He's never touching this. He's never coming over. Yeah. So the thing though that really always stands out to me about the Super Nintendo is the music. Because like, oh, they had that Sony chip and it was like that simulated voice, like the vocoder thing. Yeah, dude. That was insane. That was crazy. And then like Chrono Trigger is like as close to CD quality on a 16-bit console as you're going to get. Like that game had absolutely incredible music. And I mean, even like Donkey Kong Country,

[00:12:20] like what's the space?

[00:12:22] Is it David Weiss?

[00:12:23] The guy that- David Weiss, yeah.

[00:12:25] Yeah, he composed.

[00:12:27] Yeah, he was the have Earthbound on our our list for a reason.

[00:13:42] Like, I feel like favorite game of all time.

[00:13:45] Is it?

[00:13:46] Yeah, number two. re-released on Switch I think later this year. Unless it may have already. I'm pretty sure it already is. Yeah. I think that's the only thing that I can think of that's even remotely similar in concept. But you know, we both have Mega Man X, which is just like,

[00:15:00] I'm pretty sure I like metal because of Mega Man X. Like I about it. Like, it's... Nobody knew about Secret of Mana. It's crazy. What's weird is like, a lot of the games I marked down on this list, or I guess a lot of my now favorite retro games, a lot of them I didn't even grow up with. They're games that, games I discovered later on in life.

[00:16:24] And I was just like, wow, this actually really stands

[00:16:27] the fucking test of time. North America and in Japan I think she's called like I think it's like starts with a P like Wari or Puri or something that sounds right yeah poor poor no I don brought that over with Castlevania IV, which like scared the shit out of me as a kid. Oh yeah. And then, yeah, like we're playing Secret of Mana and I guess they were playing with

[00:19:00] their parents.

[00:19:01] So the main character's name was just Mom. I'm gonna say perfecter Speaking of perfect games I cannot find anything wrong With Super Mario RPG There's nothing that game is flawless There's nothing I can either My game is perfect game It's like and it's like perfect to like if if you're not even into RPGs

[00:20:22] it's like I would almost recommend this as the

[00:21:21] Kirby is so good. Like I don't even, I don't think I've,

[00:21:23] no actually that's a lie, I have played Kirby games

[00:21:25] that I don't really like, like Epic Yarn.

[00:21:27] Like what is Epic Yarn even?

[00:21:31] That's not a good game.

[00:21:32] It's not bad.

[00:21:34] It's a bad game. It's not terrible.

[00:21:35] You can't die!

[00:21:38] That's true.

[00:21:40] It looks weird.

[00:21:41] Yeah, I mean it is weird, but it looks cool.

[00:21:44] Oh, I wish someone to I want to get back into playing some 3DS stuff, which there's never been a better time, especially now with this podcast. And of course, I'll link to the past. It's like you can't play Super Nintendo without a link to the past. You can't. It's like one of the greatest games of all time.

[00:23:03] It really is.

[00:23:04] That's I think the first fucking console that comes to mind that I want to emulate is the ps1 because fucking Why wouldn't you there's so much great shit on there. I got to clear my fucking throat. Holy cow the yolk throw Damn, that's all this fucking energy tea that tastes like garbage fucking sewer runoff

[00:24:23] Yeah, the ps1 it's home to my favorite game of all those characters. Like there's a lot of characters that you can get. Yeah. You have to have some of them are really obscure.

[00:25:41] Oh my God.

[00:25:42] Yeah. You have to have, I think like three playthroughs to get everybody.

[00:25:46] And yeah, there's a lot of fucking obscure ones like turnip.

[00:26:43] have their own distinct like speech patterns and accents and shit like that like yeah that's another thing too that's really unique about that game

[00:26:47] like you got what's the what's the chicks name there's there's there's oh

[00:26:54] oh I'm a blondehead yeah kid she talks like with a like you can clearly like

[00:26:59] tell from playing the game and reading the dialogue and the way that the

[00:27:02] dialogue is written as she has like that really thick like cockneys accent yeah picks like two random characters or one extra character that's like random. Yeah, that's because I remember being I'm being pissed because like I had links. The first time I played it, I had links in my party and I was like, this dude's cool as fuck, man. And then I couldn't find him. Like I remember like my whole play through, like, because I think he's one of

[00:28:21] the ones that are like, like slightly obscure, like you can get them, but like.

[00:28:26] I like because I think you get them eventually anyways, And I only ever knew it as a Resident Evil clone with RPG elements. With those weird mutant camels that scared the fuck out of me as a kid. I hated those. Did not like those. Terrible. But dude, tell me about Parasite Eve 1. Oh my God. So all the things that you know and love about Resident Evil, but it's in New York

[00:29:42] City on Christmas time and it's got a fucking whopping soundtrack, like a fucking

[00:30:46] Um, metabolism, I think is like another term that's used for something. I think that's like the healing spells.

[00:30:48] I think so.

[00:30:49] What's something like that?

[00:30:54] Uh, I think it was like mitochondria or whatever was that, I don't know.

[00:31:00] There's lots of, lots of fancy science terms and I'm not that smart.

[00:31:05] So, yeah.

[00:32:05] I didn't I didn't do the whole upside down castle. Yeah, I didn't do any of that

[00:32:11] Which now I know is like it's basically like saying yeah, I got ending a and near

[00:32:16] Like nope you get the whole alphabet left

[00:32:25] But yeah, I gotta I gotta go back to that game because it a card base there I think there is a Digimon card game game on the ps1 but there's like three Digimon world games they're all kind of different though so like the first one

[00:33:43] you only ever have your one Digimon was like totally overshadowed by Pokemon, but I used to always think that like the monsters and Digimon looks so fucking badass Yeah, like their third evolution or whatever whatever the terminology was like the main like t-rex, dude

[00:35:00] He turned into such a crazy looking dude

[00:35:04] Fuck yeah, like Pokemon is just like

[00:36:05] I remember seeing a couple of memes. Yeah, cuz there's one Digimon who is literally made out of guns It's like gondron or some shit like that

[00:36:07] We look it up gun digimon machine gun Kelly Mon. It's literally just gun German

[00:36:15] No way

[00:36:17] Save this fucking image and I'll send it to you in the chat dude. It's pretty fucking great

[00:36:21] It's just a dragon made of it made out of guns, dude

[00:36:24] Anyway, I started blasting Yeah shotguns Dual fucking shouties. I didn't know that Digimon went this hard it did It's fucking digimon Fucking rules, bro. Holy shit, dude. This looks like Tetsurya. Nomura made this Look at this thing. This is crazy. It's it's the coolest dude. Did you mom fucking slaps so hard? I

[00:38:43] Vibration pack or whatever the rumble pack yeah, yeah

[00:38:46] Yeah, like Obviously the controller is the thing like anybody now going back to n64 is just gonna look at that thing and be like

[00:38:52] What the hell am I supposed to do with this like what what is this? What what is this thing?

[00:38:57] I don't know what it is, but I like it and it's hard to emulate like if you try to emulate n64 stuff

[00:40:03] The N64 didn't even have those, so why would you even... But either way, there's something about the analog on the N64, like the actual N64.

[00:40:10] My buddy and I were playing Mario 64.

[00:40:14] It didn't feel right.

[00:40:15] There's something about the proper dead zone of the N64 OG controller that is not really

[00:40:22] replicated in other stuff. No, it's fucking, don't do that, stupid. Use your fucking thumb. Speaking about the games though, for the Nintendo 64, there are some absolute bangers on this system. And one of my all time favorite games, and I will bring this up endlessly, no matter what.

[00:41:44] No matter what the situation.

[00:41:45] Like, I could be at my first communion,

[00:41:48] I'm talking about mystical ninja and it's got like really fun fluid like action adventure like Kind of like Zelda, but just like without a lock-on system It's kind of like a 3d. Oh, yeah, just like hack and slash kind of thing but with ridiculous themes

[00:43:03] Then I had the sequel which was a 2d game

[00:44:05] through social media. But like, back then, I didn't have any way of knowing that there was this new Nintendo console until I went into a fucking blockbuster. And I'm like,

[00:44:10] What is that? What is this thing? And the guy's like, this fucking I'll never forget

[00:44:16] he's like this fucking grunge kid and he's like, Oh, that's Nintendo 64. What is that?

[00:44:22] I'm like looking at the controller and I'm like trying to like, I remember getting that N64 and renting it. And I've told this story on SuperGhost before, how I had to bring back the N64 one night. And I remember playing Mario Kart, and I was losing on Rainbow Road, and I was getting so frustrated.

[00:45:40] And then I remember just like, my dad yelling down,

[00:45:43] like, okay, pack it away,

[00:45:44] I gotta bring it back to the video store now.

[00:45:46] And I remember just like fighting back the tears are known games something that I actually recently just finished and talk a little bit more about it Castlevania legacy of darkness oh chef's kiss that of course dude, we gotta give some love to our little little dude little bomber man bar is the best Bomber man He's a little baby

[00:48:21] Yeah, I'm ran 64 and like the bomb ran hero games

[00:49:24] Bound and how like quirky you kind of fucking dark it can be

[00:49:29] But mostly quirky zoom by the way zoom everybody

[00:49:32] That's the mr. Saturn reference because they say zoom all the time

[00:49:36] Fuck and the soundtrack rips

[00:49:39] Yes Every fucking song is really good

[00:49:41] The combat I mean be hard. Yeah, if you get really really difficult

[00:50:44] Cops immediately fuck it, show up dude. Oh I remember one time, my old roommates were, they were torrenting like the entire Fast

[00:50:53] and the Furious film series, which I think at the time,

[00:50:57] Vin Diesel broke their fucking windows open and just like took revenge.

[00:51:02] I think at the time, it only went up to like Fast 8?

[00:51:06] No, maybe Fast 7 or some shit. Wait, I have a question. Which Mega Man X on Super Nintendo is your favorite? Oh man, that's tough. They're all fucking good, but I think the first one, just like, it's just so fucking rock solid. Like sometimes, I don't know what it is about, I think it goes up to like four on the SNES, doesn't it?

[00:52:22] No, three.

[00:52:23] Three, okay.

[00:52:24] And then four was on PlayStation.

[00:52:25] Okay.

[00:52:27] But fun fact, three the fuck that was. Yep. Yeah, he sucked. He was rough. I remember his level being crazy hard. And what else did I have? I'm trying to think of it off the top of my head. Oh, Secret of Mana, of course.

[00:53:41] No, I did it again.

[00:53:42] Mana, whatever.

[00:53:44] It doesn't matter.

[00:53:46] Yeah, it really doesn't matter.

[00:53:47] Have you played Seconded co-op? I haven't. I wish I did.

[00:55:02] That's the way.

[00:55:04] We could do that, you know?

[00:55:05] We could fire up some parsec.

[00:55:07] Yeah. Yeah, dude. Yeah. So good. It works so well. I got shade on my arm. You do? Yeah. No way. Yeah, right there. God damn. I don't have any secret of man of tattoos. What the fuck? I thought I was like the secret of man of guy.

[00:56:20] You should get one.

[00:56:21] All right.

[00:56:22] Fuck this.

[00:56:23] Abort this.

[00:56:24] Abort this whole thing.

[00:56:25] Get the light one.

[00:56:26] Get the opposite one.

[00:56:27] I thought about getting dry add becauseo Trigger has, or not the Chrono, the Chrono Series has like the best fucking new game plus of any series ever. They do it in like the coolest ways. They're like, hey, here's different endings, depending on what you do, but we'll let you skip like half of the game once you get to this point.

[00:57:42] And then it's, thank you, Chrono Series.

[00:57:44] In Chrono Trigger, isn't it when you get to Magus

[00:57:48] that you can do the pizza kind you fucking bet your sweet ass. Let me get my fist in there. Do pizza Pringles though? Or like, pretty fucking good. Pretty fucking good. I remember the commercial from the early

[00:59:04] 2000s where they were like, uh, it was get this purple off my fucking fries Goddamn purple off my fries. I don't know order no fucking purple here tonight Give me surprise hold the purple oh Yeah, there's always that one kid though. That's like can I have extra purple?

[01:01:25] or at knees and he committed way too many fucking misdemeanors for a kid his age and now he's he had that he had that monster flap bib and with the sticker still on it and for

[01:01:32] Christ sake don't crease the bib don't crease purple piss kids monster energy drink bib Yeah, there's a lot of fucking hitters on that biatch Like sure there's no Zelda. There's no Mario, but like it doesn't need it. It's got like fucking everything else It's got so many crazy games matter of fact as I was picking this list I was like I like I gotta I gotta like make this short and sweet because if not I'm gonna have like Four pages of games just listed off. Okay, so just so many like we both had parasite Eve

[01:04:05] have like the lasting appeal to me like over time like I beat it once and was like cool I'm I'm good this is this was a fun game Laguna is really cool and so

[01:04:11] is his theme but I still need to beat a dude god damn it I keep putting it off

[01:04:17] it's good the junction system is so fucking complicated and I just need to

[01:04:22] learn that shit but yeah people love to hate on it but I mean it's okay Survival panic or something like that What? Let me look it up like when they were developing the game or whatever they try to give it some like different name or different like Name genre. I'm gonna fucking look it up real fast dino panic

[01:05:44] Fuck where is it? I know they fucking gave it some dumb stupid thing

[01:06:45] it. I have the Mega Man X collection on switch, but I don't think I've been X4.

[01:06:49] And have you played Mega Man legends?

[01:06:53] Like a little bit. I haven't beaten that one.

[01:07:00] I do have it. I've gotten ISO up and downloaded and ready to go though.

[01:07:04] There you go. There you go. Had they ran out of like fucking funding and shit. Yeah, that really does fucking suck. I always fuck. I want to know so badly what that game would have been like if they did have the money to finish everything. It would have been insane.

[01:09:40] It probably I mean, it's still considered'm sure it is coded in. Yeah. So a coded. So a code Dion. So a codeine. So we're coding.

[01:09:41] Looks like some kind of fucking right, we are. I didn't... Oh man. I didn't grow up with this console at all, and I didn't really discover how much I loved

[01:11:00] it until maybe just recently, until I started digging into it and learning more and more

[01:11:06] about it.

[01:11:07] Ah, TurboGrafx-16. today and my buddy Dalo, he was like, dude, I got to the last thing and it was just crushing, like beyond crushing, like just insane. And he, I guess he had used like an infinite lives cheat just so that he could like get through the game.

[01:12:20] But that's why I should do.

[01:12:23] Yeah.

[01:12:24] Fuck.

[01:12:25] It's, it's, it's fucking stupid.

[01:12:27] So it'll be, I like a new you them up I Guess yeah, I guess yeah would cuz you're I don't know you don't ever why guess you do a fire rocket whatever who cares

[01:13:46] Yeah, there's cool cool power don't play the sequel Well said I put down Choo-man food. What the fuck is that dude? It's this like

[01:15:02] weird little puzzle game where

[01:15:06] You just walk around this little maze

[01:16:03] And then you got blazing lasers.

[01:16:05] I've heard of this.

[01:16:07] I couldn't get that burp out of my throat.

[01:16:10] They have blazing blazing lasers. Lazing burps.

[01:16:12] The blazing lasers is so fucking wild, dude.

[01:16:15] It's like, it's, I think when did it come out?

[01:16:18] 89.

[01:16:19] It's one of like the first games on the system, I believe.

[01:16:22] And it's nuts.

[01:16:24] Like you can upgrade your lasers to like, take up almost the entire screen.

[01:17:24] comments and recommendations right after this message.

[01:17:30] Hey Jerry, how do you feel about ink?

[01:17:36] Uh, ink, like incorporated or like ink, like the black shit that comes with ink. Yeah, like the black shit.

[01:17:38] The black shit, uh, not fussy.

[01:17:40] Uh, we use ink for a lot of things.

[01:17:43] Pens, pasta, I guess they have squid ink pasta.

[01:17:46] We're not talking about? Yeah, man, them octopus candles. Oh, my God. Now, also, if you act today, you can get the all-day Hentai pass, and it's just tentacles for days.

[01:19:02] There's no ink, just tentacles for days.

[01:19:06] You can do whatever you want with those tentacles. Thank you Rancher Ahab for sponsoring this episode. Thanks Rancher Ahab. He's a quality guy, I'm telling you. Put that in your hole. The tagline is put them in your holes.

[01:20:23] Put ink in your holes.

[01:20:26] Two in the ink, one man, Custom Robo. It's like, it's one of the few custom Robo games we've gotten in the US. It was on the GameCube and bopping soundtrack. Gotta throw that in there by the soundtrack. Bops, hoo dog. Who doesn't want a bopping soundtrack?

[01:21:40] Exactly.

[01:21:40] Why wouldn't you want a bopping soundtrack?

[01:21:42] You don't want a dumb soundtrack.

[01:21:43] You don't want some dude in the background

[01:21:45] going do the other robo. And basically you just, you just fight. There's like, um, you have, you have like five different parts to your robo. And that's like kind of where the name comes in custom robots. You can customize the fuck out of it. There's different like models of robots that have different stats.

[01:23:00] Like there'll be heavier ones that have Unfortunately? It's good, but like they just don't

[01:24:23] it's it's hard to emulate so yeah, if you don't have like a hacked Wii U or a

[01:25:21] Highly recommended.

[01:25:25] This is def, yeah, that's not a word. So me and that other person thought that was a word.

[01:25:27] That's cool.

[01:25:28] At least one other person.

[01:25:29] Um,

[01:25:32] so yeah, my recommendation for everyone to play

[01:25:37] is a game that I was talking about earlier.

[01:25:39] Castlevania Legacy of Darkness.

[01:25:42] It oddly has like a weird run in a way. And then you unlock the next character, which I don't really know what, because I, I mean,

[01:27:00] I beat it with the main guy and I was like, cool, I'm out.

[01:27:03] But maybe I mean, my save file is still there so I don't know what mine is either oddly enough for real yes yeah. I do believe you can get better. I believe you're going to continue your work on a PhD as a Bill Cosby historian because man, oh man, man, that's rough. I wish you the best. Yeah, I will. All those sweaters, the puddin' pups. All the sweaters of puddin' pups. It's a wonder you didn't get his sweaters full of those puddin' pups.

[01:29:46] Fucking stayed the shit, dude.